"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

I'm not quite sane.
April 19, 2009 - 9:42 pm

How many things do I try to explain... but then erase?

I've no idea, but it's what I tend to do. Part of me says, I don't want this or that to be read and part of me says... this or that really shouldn't be read.

I'm fairly certain I'm not quite sane. Though, such a thought gives me pause since wouldn't only a sane person have such a worry?

Without a doubt.. I behave as if two people. Something I've always done. In high school... I had, literally, two sets of friends -- two sets, both from the same school, who never intermingled. Which wasn't difficult since neither was more than a handful of people...

What's my point?

I'm not sure... these days there's the 'public me' and the 'private me'. That makes no sense... it's more the me at work and the me at home.

In both cases... I seem to excel, truly excel, at working against myself - working at cross purposes with myself. It's really as if I enjoy scattering little land minds for myself to stumble over... shooting myself in the foot and then agreeing to run a marathon.

More and more... I think, perhaps I'm growing positive, I don't want myself to be happy. Not for long.. not on purpose. I don't deserve it.