"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

What to do...
January 01, 2011 - 2:22 pm

I'm all the more sure I have some soft of mild bipolar thing going on.

I have, as always, wasted the week. I delved into a bit of personal... insanity. I'm not sure if this is good or not. The original thinking was -- I've dabbled in this, so... fuck it, let's really try to see if this is what I like.

Sort like a flash obsession.

Now.. I sit and think, what have I started? Why did I get these balls rolling? Do I run and hide or play out what I started?

My job is well enough. Pretty easy actually. The place is... a bit twisted, but that's just how they seem to operate. I've never seen such a focus on path/process/procedure.. and yet.. things are so disorganized.

I was supposed to do some work over this holiday week. I didn't do a lick of it. I'll have to do it tomorrow.

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about work in the general sense. About how I've held several jobs, but they are all really pointless jobs. They are all just a means to get money so I can buy things.. which mean I need more money... so I work more to buy more things.

I, once again, think about the people who say they have a dream job and that they have it. I boggle at the concept.

The closest I get is this lingering, festering wanting of a job that really helps people. I think about joining the Peace Corp. A friend of mine has a sister who's in Africa working with villagers to help them get better water. I marvel at this sort of thing.

Now and again I slog about trying to sort out how I could get myself into such at thing and... my choices early in life preclude it... well, so it seems. I don't have any sort of background in the relevant fields. My business degree and MBA don't seem to matter -- and why should they?