"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

Ponderings
September 07, 2007 - 8:27 pm

http://tinyurl.com/2dtq8x (no clicky pop for you)

Yesterday.. I was in a room full of really, really smart people. Like 30+ people all smarter than me.

Now, of course, smart is a fuzzy term, I know that. I mean anyone of them could have talked me in circles regarding what we do. Anyone one of them could have buried in an avalanche of experience.

Anyone, but one.

I'm starting to have some issues with that one. Technically, he's my partner. To use the overused metaphor, he's the captain and I'm the first mate on the ship.

More and more.. I lose faith in his ability to captain.

I don't mean to imply he's my boss, he's not. Not directly. He just.. well.. he... is a direct (the main one) funnel of work for me to do.

Anyway. Never mind that. I need to ponder that more. Just what to do about it.

What's really on my mind.. is well... compensation. I've made something of friends with a guy at work. He used to do my job and now manages a buncha folks. I can see myself following in what he did... only I was surprised to find out I make more than the average person he manages -- and if I made the switch, I'd be at the low end of their scale due to experience.

I'm going to wait and see how the whole 'yearly bonus' thing works before I make any real choices. I know I've got a ton of options, but I'm also wicked new to most things.

The job I originally interviewed and was hired for.. I very much can not see me doing. My personality is so fucked up.

I don't know how to put it into words. I can (note the word can) be a social person. I can have an engaging conversation. I can. I don't often.

Part of me wonders if my... lingering disillusionment comes from the fact that I've spent so many years (years upon years) in.. what can only be called a state of semi-recluse.

Perhaps I'm meant to have a variety of friends.

I am, after all, a gemini. Perhaps the reclusive twin of me has had power for far too long.

Of course.. I've long since lost how one makes random social friends.