"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

Falling apart
February 18, 2007 - 8:02 pm

I don't mean in the philosophical sense.. I mean in the "I don't feel right sense."

That's not to say in the mental "I feel depressed and out of touch sense". I mean.. my body, in which I've lived all my life, feels "off".

I thought it was something of dental issue that I have. You see, way back when they took out my wisdom teeth a little 'pocket' area was left where the lower right one was. By pocket.. I mean your gums are supposed to be 3mm or less when the dental-folk probe around. Behind my last tooth on the right, it's 7mm. Yeah, 4mm means a pocket. It means a place that gathers food and whatnot much more easily than it should.

From time to time, really quite rare, I've gotten pain in this pocket. The dentist cleans it out and life goes on. Well that or it goes away all on it's own. About three weeks ago I started to feel the annoying dull pain there.. so to the dentist I went. They cleaned it and put in some medicine. I've never had medicine before. The dentist recommended going to see a real dentist (again a first) to see if the real dentist thought it was gum disease or perhaps a root canal was in order.

The read dentist.. made me think of Michael J Fox -- not from looks, but from his constantly moving body. He didn't think anything was wrong, save that I've an extra 4mm of gum tissue that he'd be happy to remove. Given his constantly rocking body.. I wasn't feeling comfie with the notion. We didn't specifically talk about a root canal. Perhaps I call back Monday to make sure that's out of the question. My tooth (gum area) still bothers me.. but it comes and goes.

This can be added to this list of places on my body that hurt now and then that no one can offer up a good explanation is worrisome to me. I've now three. One, I imagine, is a weight issue.. but perhaps time will tell on that. The other is something like cyst, but not quite.

The joy of having all three in pain mode at once is well.. not quite a joy. The joy of having three spots.. means that on any given day at least one is hurting and, again, not a joy.

However. This aside. These are now known issues.. and not the sort of thing that I'd think would leave me with a lingering sense of "wrong" in my body.

Perhaps it's just knowing that I'm falling apart and there's nothing really to be done...

Perhaps it's just my mind, far too used to things not being how I want them to be, playing tricks on me.

Consider this: I'm one fax reply from the seller agreeing to the assessment price and signing a few docs from owning a place I really, really like.

I've finally fallen, yes fallen, into a job that I not only like, but pays well enough for me to afford said place.

I have lost a little weight, but not as much as I'd like to have lost by now. A quick few pounds from diet changes and that seems to be it.

In fact, the one and only aspect of my life that isn't 'good' would be social -- which would include romantic. I'm largely ok with this.. since I know I'm not ready for anything romantic. I have this, that and the other to address first.

In other words, by and large.. ever major part of my life is in the best position it's even been -- or in the position that it's normally in.. and yet there's this lingering feeling of "I'm sick" in my head. This lingering feeling of my body just isn't right.. should it be taken serious? What would I do other than say "I dont' feel right"? I had a physical a few months ago....