"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

kinda staggering.
August 10, 2006 - 6:38 pm

i don't mind the speeches and what i'm learning.

i mind seeing me on tape. i mind the 110lbs skinny girl saying, when her tape is played, "wow the camera does add 10lbs" and frowning.. because she thinks she looks fat.

what the fuck does she think when she sees my fat ass on the screen?

i don't really care what she thinks -- that's not my point.. i guess my point is.. no matter how "bad" anyone in the group thinks they look, i look worse.

in some ways this is fucking with my head. i'm the oldest. i'm the fatest. i've lost the most hair. i'm the most reserved. i'm the least part of the group.

i could probably continue.. but i won't. i'm not so interested in a pitty party for me.

i'm just.. venting. i'm also waiting for the water to boil so i can cook my couscous.

in fact, i rather like the skills.. i just wish i didn't have to see myself. i'm fine with the suggestions.. the improvements.

very depressing to realise the "flaw" in things.. is yourself... your appearance.

in many ways.. i'm left wondering why on earth a healthcare company would ever hire someone like me. it's kinda staggering.