"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

that's enough
August 09, 2006 - 9:00 pm

why? i've gained a great deal of clarity recently. i'm not sure if that's due to a book or two i've read, the training i'm in, basic changes in my life, or just growning older -- perhaps all of these.

on a sidenote, can you gain clarity if you can't identify the cause? i'll have to say yes.. you just haven't gained clarity on the cause of the clarity.

this makes sense to me.. and that's all that matter.

what i'm confused about is.. is a course of action i'm semi-undertaking. i say semi because i've "planned" it, but i just haven't done it... and hopefully will tomorrow or friday. the delay isn't of my own causing... i just need to be able to get to a place while it's open. timing is everything.

a course of action is far too strong. there's something i want to do and i'm more or less fine with my doing it. i feel it's the right thing to do -- a good thing to do.

the hitch is in how it will be preceived. that's something i can't manage. that's something.. i'm not sure how to influence and, even if i could, i'm not sure i want to...

i find that more and more i value, really value, honest replies to thinks -- be it positive or negitive. so very, very much of the adult world is based around this notion that "white lies" are ok... that rationalization makes whatever ok.

i disagree. i disagree wholeheartedly.

do i still tell white lies and other lies? of course. i'm human. i'm simply realizing the value of honesty.

by extention i'm being more honest.. but still, rome wasn't built in a day.

does it bother me that my actions.. might not be precieved as they are meant? of course. it bothers me a great deal. since it's not something i can manage.. i'm ok with it. does this make sense?

that's one thing i really like about me. i can recognize that something is an issue.. something that most (if not everyone else) i know would worry and fret about.. but to me, it's only worth worrying about something i can change.. something i can affect.

i suppose i could affect things by not doing it.. but that would mean not doing something that i feel is good and right.

hence the bit of confusion. just a bit though.

am i prepared for what may come next? no and i don't plan to prepare for it... well anymore than i know what the possible happenings are.. and that's enough.