"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

two key points.
December 03, 2002 - 5:07 pm

i am going to go get my mba, which means moving back to the great state of new york. well, i'm not sure how great it is..but that's where i'm headed.

i mentioned the idea very briefly to my mom and she didn't seem to like the sound of me going back to new york.

i think that's her problem to deal with. i think i need to focus only on what i want. sure it sounds selfish, but that's what seems to work.

i'm also not going to worry about trusting other people. there's no point to that.

yeah, i'm a bit bitter, but that's where i am right now.

i need to identify the things that make me happy and forget the things i feel i have to do to make other happy...or to feel that i fit in.

time and again events have shown that i don't. my mind just doesn't work like others. i've spent my whole life trying to make myself feel like i fit and that's just lead me to the life i lead now.

i totally disatisfied...disillusioned and all that crap. why? cause i'm not me. i never let myself be me. i get myself into situatoins and choose what i think others think i should choose and end up being miserable. i also tend to get told by the 'others' that i made a bad choice...which compounds my feelings of frustation.

this diary really has become just another boring typical angst diary. it's like when i sit down to write here, i feel depressed. the very act of coming to dland makes me feel depressed...not at the idea of posting, but because i've unintentionally conditioned myself to post the shit in my life.

i need to start writing about the funny stuff that happens.

changes in latitude and changes in attitude...

i need to adjust my perspective.

it would be so much easier to do if i had the one thing i want more than anything else, a true friend.

i have a decent one who lives near me..she knows more about me than other person, but there's things she's just not comfortable hearing and i want some i can tell anything to. posting the 'anythings' to diary isn't the same.

i've lived on line, nearly literally, for years. i'm a social recluse. i know about online chats and games and boards...

i want a flesh and blood true friend.

anyways. the key points, i'm focused on my mba idea and i'm going to work on changing my perspective.