"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

i'm tired of thinking of short descriptions
September 19, 2002 - 5:09 pm

i spent part of today thinking about what i'd want to say in final entry.

there's probably an endless number of things i'd like to try and jot down.

i think only one matters.

i started this diary in december of 2000. somewhere along the line i posted a question, "what would think if i stumbled across this diary? what would i think of this kraven fellow?" that was the right question to ask, but from the wrong point of view. the question should be "what do i think of this kraven fellow"? is the kraven on here me?

i started this diary in response to a girl i used to know. she would tell me things about her she said she didn't tell anyone else. we talked at random times on the phone, i was who she came to vent to. our talks were really her talking and me listening. i started this diary to return what she was giving to me..or at least try to.

i don't think she ever read it.

in it's original form it was a total failure.

it transformed itself into a medium of self expression...a place i could try and convey who i am and what i think. i believe it's failed there too.

once or twice i've thought i've had a suceess or two, but sitting here now..i'm not so sure.

i do indeed feel like a stranger in a strange land.

i can't say it any clearer than that.

perhaps some of you will want to contact me, the email link here is updated to a hotmail address. i'll be checking it pretty regularly.

so in short, i feel that everything i ever wanted this place to be...it's never quite acomplished and i've no longer the desire to try. i've no longer the desire to sit here and surf the net.

sure there's a zillion things out there to read. a zillion things to see...but let's face it. how productive...how useful...how satisfying is it to really sit and surf?

no, what i want can't be found online.

i'm babbling. i like that. it's rather fitting.

i doubt this will be the last entry. i'll probably come up with something to post later tonight.

i do smile whenever i think about the sourdough pretzel.