"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

more often than not..
September 15, 2002 - 1:50 pm

i'm really going to try and make this idea a part of how i do things.

i need not to care if it makes sense to anyone else, if it affects or effets anyone else. i need to choose the choices that i see before me.

i get too wrapped up in is this what i should do?

the other day, arguably my closes friend said that i "say the most absurd things". it wasn't meant in a bad way. i suppose it's true in large part. i don't think my way of thinking in a day-to-day type situations comes through here.

it's not that i mean to say absurd things, it's just what comes to my mind.

my point is that i don't think like you. i don't relate to things like you do. come and talk to me sometimes and you'll see. all too often i think i shouldn't do something because people will think i'm an idiot.

all too often i do do something (ie my fucking car) cause i think it's what someone else would do.

i find it very ironic that i've told people in the past that they shouldn't think they know what someone else is thinking. it's the one thing about myself that i hate so much. i try to factor in these points of view that just don't apply to me.

a co-worker said that one thing she likes about me (and that drives her insane) is that i can alway see another point of view...i can alway argue (her word, not mine. personally, i don't think i've ever argued with her) any side of any issue.

i like to hear what people think of me, think about me. i like to know if it matches what i think. often it doesn't. i like to try and understand why.

i'm really sort of babbling, almost saying contradictory things. it all jibs to me.

i've no idea what i did like three nights ago. my shoulder still hurts. whatever i did, i did it well.

check this out: i might have company here tonight. this would be the...fifth person over to my apartment in five months. how pathetic is that? no it's not pathetic.

i saw a show the other night that said "humans are mating species, we are like swans." if memory serves, swans mate for life. we are not like swans. how many of us are virgins when we get married? how many of us have had less than three partners? less than five? less than ten? we are not like swans, who mate with one other swan for life. fifty percent of american weddings end in divorce, that's 1 in two. we are not like swans. we'd like to think we are, but we arn't.

it goes against human nature to stick something out. the ironic part is i've read studies that say there's no difference in happiness between couples that stick a marriage out and those that divorce...ten years down the road, those who stick it out are as happy as those who didn't. what's that mean?

i think it's true, that which doesn't kill you (or that which you don't let kill the relationship) makes it stronger. the _let_ part i added is the important part.

we are responisble for weddings that fail, not just the people in the marraige, but our whole society is responsible.

bah, i don't want to go here.

more often than not, i don't think i'm of the same species as everyone else.