"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

today. today i....
August 09, 2002 - 4:59 pm

today. today our company meeting was outside. i really do like the company i work for, the culture. i really do not like the duties my job entails. it is a sad state of affairs. mostly, i'm bored to tears. it's so damn slow. to be honest, i'm starting to have concerns about the future viability of the organization or atleast the justification for my position, which sucks since i freakin' moved here for the job.

today. today i saw a news story that reminded me of an article i read yesterday. since i'm thinking my current position might not be such a good idea, long term..i'm yet again trying to decide what the fuck i want to do. whoops, f bomb. sorry. both stories were about the shortage of nurses. i'd think male nurses are in even shorter supply than female. they said the average nurse makes 40K. that's nationwide. here 40K is a freakin' fortune. thought i don't want to clean up poop. the job does have it's downsides. i'm thinking though...i'm thinking become a nurse, and gravitate towards healthcare admin jobs. i think i'd like what my mom does, running a personal care home. it seems to pay well and meets my desire to do a job that actaully has meaning. if i had the gumption, i'd become a doctor. i've no desire to go to med school. nursing and then admin seems more feasible to me.

today. today i decided to start each entry with "today." there is no reason.

today. today i started to read fountainhead. i read atlas shrugged a while ago and liked it. i'm thinking perhaps i'm some sort of closet objectivist. i need to clarify more what that philosophy means.

today. today at the company meeting which was held outdoors i was called "challanging". not in any sort of bad sense. we were discussing "best practices" for people who train and people who recieve training. it was brought up that trainers need to give context, the reasoning for the process...not just the process itself. that with a true understanding, job statisfaction goes up and you're more likely to do what you do correctly. it was then brought up that the trainee has a responsiblity to push for that context if it's not giving. that asking for the underlying reasoning is ok. i was brought up as the example for this. i never, to my teams way of thinking, just take the answer to a question. i always push for more, the underlying logic. to my way of thinking the answer is great, but when i tell a customer "the answer" and that customer asks why..i look like a total dumbass if i don't know. very often my trainers don't much seem to know why. they like to say "this is the answer and that's all you need to tell the customer." that's shitty customer service. i'm inquisitive and analytical. they need to deal with this. it was mostly good natured. though one person said they'd like to strangle me. i say, know your shit before you teach it. i don't do it purpose, it's just a natural part of my learning process.

today. today in this entry i'm swearing alot.

today. today i'm going to think really hard about cleaning my apartmenet. i'm not sure, but i think i'm detecting the subtle stench of something rotting. i'm fairly sure it's coming from my sink. perhaps i merely farted. time will tell.

today. today i'm realizing that i'm in an odd sort of mood. odder than normal.