"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

what to do
August 08, 2002 - 5:14 pm

i'm not a huge football fan, but i do like the steelers, hometown team and all. the first game is tonight. should i go to the bar to watch the game or watch it here?

probably should go to the bar. i'm not sure if i will. that's social. i had my fill of social things last weekend.

in other news...my trust in people who should be my friends is shot, yet again.

let's hop in the "way back time machine" to some of the first entries i ever posted here. i know her name came up, heather, in some form or other. she's an ex gf from high school who lives just north of here. i contacted her when i got back in town. we had our fights, but it's been years and i thought why not? one reason i moved back here is i know people..and it's easier to meet people through people you know.

so we hung out one night for like three hours or so, it was nice. to be honest, she's the longest "friend" i have. i don't talk to anyone from high school anymore..hardly anyone from college. anyway, she's seeing a guy, which is fine..no love interest at all. she suggests we go to some medival fair that happens in like a month. i say sounds good, thinking i did indeed have a friend.

true to form, i didn't hear form her for a while, but she was busy with work and her bf is soon to leave...so i understood. she had a wedding in chicago to go to. she works six days a week and we only made plans for the medival thing. a month goes by and i call her about the medival thing, if she still wants to go. i leave a message, she doesn't call back. her answering machine sounds funky, so i send her an email too. no reply.

a week or so goes by and she calls and leaves me a voice mail. she's bored...no one's around...would i want to see a movie or something. i say sure. again, we hang out for a few hours, things are nice. i ask her about the medival thing and she says the last weekend is this weekend and she can't go, but i should go alone. we talk have a good time. she talks of us going to borders to play chess sometimes or since she's taking a class in my town, we could get lunch. i like both ideas and give her my work number so she can call me this week for lunch.

no call yet, no word from her.

i made a joke about her only calling me for a movie cause no one else was home, she laughed and said wait a month and she'd be calling me all the time...cause one of her friends is moving.

one of the things that just drove me insane about her is that she'd, when we were dating, would tell me she'd call me at 10 and never ever call. so i'd call her at like midnight and she'd say she forgot or whatever.

so...here i am thinking i've been back in town for 3 months, back in contact with her for about 2 months...and already three strikes. one, she brings up us going to the medival fare and forgets about us going. two, she brings up us having lunch and never calls. three, she does call when no on else is around.

i don't need that. i don't need to be the bored plan z person. perhaps if i was getting sex that'd be ok..some compensation of sorts. how guy is that?

i really thought she wanted to be friends. i'm unsure what to say when she calls next. part of me really wants to bring this up and explain to her that this isn't cool for me. she's probably the reason i'm so sensitive to people not doing what they say they will do, why it's such a pet peeve of mine.

it is my issue to deal with, i know this. i know this is how i react to things and she can't control that.

part of me just wants to bring it up and i know it will start a fight, she's defensive and i'm no better.

i want friends, i'd really like her for a friend...i have history with her, a past. she's known me for years.

i dunno what i'm going to do. if in my head i'm over reacting or not.