"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

need to think more
August 04, 2002 - 2:40 am

i've no idea why i feel the need to clarify that, but i do.

in any event, she called today cause she was bored. first i've heard from her in over a month. i went up to watch a movie. we talked a lot.

i think we will be decent friends.

that not why i'm writing this.

a good bit of our talking was old stuff. you know how that goes. i've known her since high school.

part of it was about families and how they relate. i refreshed her memory of a story or two of my family.

i'm trying to work something out with this story. it's old, goes back to when i was a junior in college.

it's a nagging sort of annoying thing. it's like a puzzle in my mind and while i see the puzzle i'm not sure what i need to do to solve it. i'm stuck at the last step.

i think the conversation just rehashed certain facts in my mind.

my family is not a close family.

this bothers me. i feel no sense of belonging. i feel no sense of home. i feel no sense of...anything.

i think this speaks to my entry of the other day. i want something in my life. i don't really care what that something is. i want it. i need it. i can't stand people who say they know what they want and then don't go for it. if you don't really want it, don't say it.

i want to be happy. i tried with you, if you still read here, and it blew up. i've had four jobs in four years. i've lived in four states (PA twice, so that's five moves) in four years. nothing works.

i'm getting off point.

i need to think more.