"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

free to wallow
August 04, 2002 - 10:11 am

one is that this life is a very long, very distubring and, in my case, very boring dream.

the other is that this is hell. why hell? look at humans. look at us as a whole. look at our wants, our desires, our need to totally dominate and bend everything to our world view. greedy people (as highlighted by some recent wall street scandals) go to great lengths to make tons of cash, not being overly bothered with who or what they hurt. political idealists are willing to wage wars (military or terrorist style) for the sake of an idea about how they think they culture/life should be.

more basic than that. normal individual people are disturbing in their own right. they don't think they are. we do things we shouldn't do, there's a thin veil that holds us back...some sort of throw back to being a child an told what's right and what's wrong. i think the veil is failing, getting thinner. watch the news. the news is wonderful for telling us bad and fucked up things have gotten.

i think this might be hell because we are left to do as we please. if humans want to lob nuclear missiles at each other, we can. hell, america has already dropped two. then there's biological weapons.

i'm not a huge religion fan. sometimes i wonder about the bible. i wonder about stories in it. like the story of sodom and gomorrah. two cities that apperantly broke all the rules of god and didn't really mind that they did it. so god laid waste to them. i look at our cities...and ourselves an i think, 'sodom and gomorrah were worse than we are?'

maybe they were. i doubt it though.

dream or hell. perhaps this is purgatory. perhaps this is the odd land inbetween heaven and hell where the souls of the dead go when it's not quite sure where they should go...not bad enough for hell, not good enough for heaven. so we come here, the land between. satan rules hell, god rules heaven...no one bothers much with purgatory. we are free to do as we please.

free to wallow in our own crapulence (to borrow a phrase from mister burns).

oh, i've put my thinking last night on hold, with little doubt the issues raised with sink back beneath the surface all too soon.

i'm going to go have some pancakes with pecans...nestle chocolate chips and peanutbutter chips..mmmm, yummie.