"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

i made it
March 6, 2002 - 5:33 pm

i need to make my bedroom darker. i've had the urge now and then...but i need to get somet thick stuff blocking up the bastard light rays that come in. i think that's why my eyes don't feel so good.

so i went to work feeling better than yesterday. i realized that i didn't have a story to get out at 4pm and i hadn't read the info i'd be given. so at 10ish i called and left the guy a message apologizing that i couldn't get out at 4 due to some work that had come up and would like to rescedule for monday (i knew he was out thurs and friday). i left my number at work and hoped all would be well. i got a call at about 3pm from the guy i had first met. it was very short conversation. he said hi, how about 10am monday? i said ok and he hung up. i dunno if he pissed or just made it as fast as possible since he knew i was at work. i think if he was pissed he would have said don't come in we arn't a match though. now i need to find an excuse to miss another monday..since i agreed to 10am time. i dunno how i'm going to do that. it doesn't matter if i get offered the job, but it does if i don't.

anyone got a room i could move into for a bit if i fuck this up and lose both jobs?? anyone??

i decided today, in a very bad step for me i think, that any moment i can spend at work not doing work is a moment well spent. under normal conditions this would be fine. my problem is that we have a new inititive and i'm the spearhead. my job is to call as many people as possible and set up as many new accounts as possible in this new market we are going after. it's kinda high profile thing. this means i need to a lot of cold calling and selling. i'm getting ok with the whole cold calling idea, but i fucking hate selling. i'm not a salesperson. salespeople sound fake and annoying. i sound bored and nervious. so..i try to balance things out. i want to waste as much time as possible, but i need to give the illusion that i'm not just busy, but busting my ass on this initiative thing, well until i quit anyway. sort of covering my bases.

jeff asked me today when i would do the presentation we had talked about at my review. i didnt answer right away and he laughed saying you're that nervious about it? i said no...not exactly. i'm not really nervious about it, but i'm not sure..having watched and really thought about the manager position in recent days, if i want to do that. he made some commmnet about i was kidding or whatever, pretty lighthearted. his phone rang. i left. it didnt come up again. i'm sure it will though.

i have massive stress in my shoulders. simply massive.

i like the new shaver i got. it was from ubid.com. it was cheap.

i like burning cds. did i talk about that? i don't think so. i burned my first cd (even though i've had a burner for about a year) this weekend. i put something like 180 songs in data form (i think) on a disc. my car won't play play it. so one disc wasted. i did a second disc in audio form (i think) and it played fine. i put on two songs that LONG silentish intros, that annoyed me. so disc 2 wasted. i did another disc. this one had a song that was unplugged that i didnt realize and ruined the whole point of the cd..so disc three wasted. sure i learned the lessons that i need to actaully listen to the songs before i burn them, but i don't like things like that improve my performance.

i've started going through all the cd's i own and copying the songs in. talk about a waste of a computer. i have like 11gigs of songs and i'm on K in my collection. sure a lot of songs i got from winmx, but still. like half my pc is going to be mp3s. i bought some program to print labels. i've now burned a total of five cds and have printed no labels. so i have no idea what cd is what (even the data cd i can't play is still floating around).

i dunno if im ever going to make a label. instead..i might just smile like an blothering idiot when people ask me what's on the cd and say 'who cares, i made it.'