"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

random things..
2001-05-20 - 5:13 p.m.

I went out to the Temple bar this weekend. It was pretty amusing watching people there. I guess you can divid people in bars into three groups...the predators, the prey, and the 'rest'. I dont really konw what to call the last group, but they are the people who are out, just to be out. They are there to enjoy the night...to drink and to talk. They arnt looking for anyone or anything, but to enjoy the evening with who they are with. The predators, mostly guys, are there looking to hook up. They seem to come in small groups, two or three. They hang around, drinking and some idle chatter. They spend most of the time looking around, waiting for the band to start and things to pick up. Sure, there are single predators and bigger groups of them and they are not always men, but there's always exceptions. The prey are women who want to get picked up. They are painfully easy to spot...dressed to that you cant help but notice their breasts or legs or ass. They sip at drinks and look with wide eyes about the bar. I saw them in small groups, two or three...which I guess matches up to the men who are looking for them...as if they could be missed. I felt kinda bad for them. This one girl was with her friend and both of them just had 'pick me up' stamped on thier foreheads. She was wearing one of those shirts that just covers her front, with two little ties going across her bare back. Her skirt was a leopard print and her heels were about three inches high. Her and her friend walked no less than three times from the front of the bar to the back of the bar in the hour I saw them. They hardly talked to each other, but constantly scanned the bar. She had the look of a person who doesnt normally dress up. I dont know why I say that, but she just didnt look the kind of person. Her cloths screamed, I WANT LAID. She would have been much more attractive in something slightly more conservative, but I guess if that's what she wanted, she was putting the message out loud and clear. Any guy in the bar could read it. I wonder if she did go home with someone and if she will be upset if he doesnt call her again. Everything about her said, 'take me home'...nothing said 'call me'. Well, that's just how I read the situation...though I'm far from anything nearing an expert. I'm not to sure the last time I was in bar.

Everyone looks for things in different ways I guess.

I think today is war and death day on TNN. It's been war movies all day long.

The Pens got killed the other night. I dont get it. They have, what should be, the best offensive line in the game and they cant even seem to make passes. Mebbe the denfense is just that good...but it's sure depressing to watch.

I bought these sandals the other day. Ive never owned a pair before and I rather like them, BUT (isnt there always a but?!?) they make this slapping noise when I walk. I dont like the noise at all, I guess I need to pay more attention to little detials like the inside sole next time.

Platoon is very violent movie.

I havnt written any creative bits in awhile. I dunno why not...I have ideas in my head, but I just cant seem to get them on paper. Even the long story I was working on has kinda died, not that it was good. I just wanted to get some feedback on it and finish it...but well...nothing seems to have happened.

I feel like I'm sort of kind of in between things. Like I need to make a pretty basic choice about things. I said basic, but it's not a trivial thing...it's about who I am and what I'm going to be. I very restless in what I'm doing now. E is going to be moving to CA soon and she made a passing comment that I should go with her. Not as any sort of 'couple', she has a man, but I think she was saying that it would be good for me. I think in alot of ways she might be right. I cant really imagine just quitting here and moving, that's not me. I've always fallen from one job to another, but I've always had this odd dream to be a bum though. To just amble about my days, passing the time with no real responsibilties. Of course my mind wont let me forget about such small things as food and shelter...I have this odd practicl streak in me. It's like a little Jimmity Cricket voice. I've never been able to really let go of things and do something crazy, but I want to.

I guess that sort of the choice I'm faced with. To try and change who I am, to go, at least on the surface, against the grain of my nature or to stay where I am and focus on that. I've always bin the sort of person who can do many things passingly well without really trying. In school, I never studied but always got A's and B's (except for that blurb in Ohio where I pretty darn near failed out). In swimming, I never was a star, but I was always a key person in the line up...the races I had to win, I did, but I never really put true effort into it. There's other examples, but well...I dont feel like listing more. In my head and in my day dreams Ive always had something to focus on, to apply myself to. I've done that in past, on short term projects. If I can get myself to focus and concentrate, I can do things much better than I have a right to. There's nothing on hand for me to really focus at now.

I need a change, a new job, a move, a hobby, a gf...something.

Perhaps I should just go crazy and let my delusions take over. That holds the promise of being alot more fun and entertaining. At the very least it would lead to a hell of alot more interesting posts on here.

I think I should flip a coin...or how do I decide if I should flip a coin or not? What if I hold my breath and if I can do it for an odd number of seconds, I flip a coin and if it's an even number, I dont? Hrm...what's an impartial way to assign values to the odd and even? I think I'm going to go, this might take awhile to figure out.