"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

...xmass, uncle, and music...
2000-12-23 - 21:05:06

I've had two offers from co-workers to spend Xmass with them. It's ackward. Why do people always have to ask what you doing for a holiday? I can't decide if they are asking me because they like me and feel bad, or if they just feel bad. It's ackward to say no to them. Oh well. Tuesday will be worse, all the "What did you do? What did you get?" questions. Blah...

I found out Friday that I'm now an uncle. My brother's wife pooped out the kiddie around noon. A little girl, 19 inchs long and 8 pounds or something like that. I guess that's big. His wife is little though. I wonder if she, the baby, is healthy. His wife has some disease/disorder where her hands shake, I forget the name. I bet she is/was terrified the child will have it to. My parents called me at 5pm Friday to tell me. My bother still hasn't called to tell me. I'm impressed my parents called me. I didn't know she was pregant till Thanksgiving.

My family is odd. My parents go to the card store and exchange cards for Xmass and then put them back and leave the store. The last Easter we were all together we had dinner at Taco Bell. When my dad had his heartattack and they put in a stint(I think that's the word) until he had been out of the hospital for two days. He had been in for three days. So basically a week after the fact when I called home for real reason it 'came up' when I asked what was new. My brother told me last week he wasn't mailing me my Xmass presents. I have no idea when/if we are exchaning gifts, which is cool cause I didn't buy anyone anything.

I don't think I have a family, so much as a group of strangers to whome I am related by genetics. We don't fight or argure or anything like that. When we get together it's more like a group of people who casually know each other and happen to end up at the same table for dinner. Mildly bizzare.

I'm told I'm a people person, but I don't see it myself. I often very uncomfie in social situations. I hardly leave my apartment. I'm basically a hermit. I live in my head, always have. I need to find a hobby to flex my brain. It's odd how much songs can affect me and moods. The opening cords of song can swing me joy to depression in seconds. I can kick myself back into 'normal' if I need to, if I'm around others and it wouldn't do to suddenly act all depressed.

"Yeah well she says baby, its 3am I must be lonely.."

I like napster. I'm collecting all the songs I like. I don't like bands so much as songs. I can't decide what kinda cdr drive I want, but I will get one and burn my own cds soon enough. Mebbe I'll hook my computer up to my stero and play mp3s through that. All I need is a 50ft audio cord, I can get that through work.

"Be what you want to be, see what you came to see, be what you want to be, I dont like what I see, like the coldest winters chill, heaven beside you, hell within..."

At the very least I need/want better speakers for my computer.

Well, I think I'm gonna put some cloths on and head off the mall to people watch.