"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

And.. the end begins.
August 14, 2010 - 6:54 pm

Hardship docs submitted to the mortgage folks... and now I wait a few days. I need to call on say... Tuesday to make sure they got my stuff and that I've been assigned.

Part of the package was having to list my condo. I met with a Realtor on Friday and realized.. that I can't afford to go through a Realtor. I've no choice but to do "for sale by owner" and I've zero idea what I'm doing.

Oh sure, the basics of clean the freaking the place and put up an ad I know. And I did post an ad on CraigsList. I actually got two emails about interest. I'm shocked by this. Perhaps I should be a Real Estate agent.

Getting an actual offer would rock. I mean, I'd have to call Lender and get it approved and all.. but I'm not really too far underwater, so the approval, I think, should be easy. A short sale is the best possible outcome for my credit score. In my hardship docs I asked for a Deed in Lieu.. which basically means -- here, take the keys, I'm outta here. It's worse for my credit than a short sale, but better than a foreclosure. Those are really the three options... with foreclosure happening after months and months.

I want this done.. in like one month.

Lingering issues for me.. remain finding a new home for the cats.. which is really the most emotional and saddening part. I need to get an add up for them tomorrow.

I have this lingering fear that I'll find them homes and something truly bizarre will happen.. and I won't have to sell the condo. I'll have 'lost' them, but still be here... and I'll feel compelled to call the new owner(s) and ask for them back.

I struggle with trying to find one new owner (as in putting them both up in one ad) or two different owners (two separate ads). The two have not really bonded in any way I can see.. in fact L spends a lot of time hissing at K when they play. I think, though, that's just L's odd personality.

In any event, writing one or two ads is going to be a truly sad thing to do.. so I push it off. Which, of course, means at some point I will have waited too long and be in a rush to find them homes.

I feel like I'm betraying them and am quite helpless to try and convey to them what's happening. I'm sure they can tell something is amiss.. but not much more than that.

The other issue is finding a solution to all my stuff. I need to find a company who'll package it all up, ship it.. and store it. I'm thinking PODS. I need to call them Monday and see how much that will cost...

Or I can do a real fire sale and try to sell everything. That would be sad as.. some things I've had for 25 years. I realized that today. Some of the stuff I still use my parents bought me when a youngin' for my bedroom way back then. I've faithfully lugged it from place to place to place for years. I'm kind torn on the idea of selling it.

So.

The plan is this:

Either find a seller or get approved for a Deed in Lieu. Relocate myself to family.. by say.. the end of next month. Talk to my boss on Monday about getting a transfer setup to that local office.. so I can "pretend" I'm employed when I get there. Go to my old school to see about classes there -- have daydream/delusions of taking classes and getting something in IT/datatbase management and getting a real job. Once with family, setting into my room with my brother.. and try to adjust from owning my own place to having just a room -- a room that will be ridiculously cluttered with stuff that isn't mine.

And.. go through what I'm sure will be a couple lovely rounds of conversations with family about what went wrong.. and just what my finances are. So be it. I will suck, but so be it.

I'm still oddly impressed I even asked about moving in with him.

At some point I load up my car with clothing and a few key items.. and drive. My stuff, packed away in some sort of container follows at it's leisure. And I pay some sort of storage cost of it.

I also need to get a PO Box for all my mail.. so foreclosure/credit stuff doesn't go to my brother. Or calls come to his house.

So many little things to do... so many little things to avoid doing to avoid the sadness.