"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

The wound laid bare...
August 28, 2008 - 6:35 pm

Much like a scab, I've picked and picked at the gel-stuff on my cut, my divot. Each day.. peeling/cutting off more and more of until earlier today it was literally just covering the wound -- nothing extra.

I continued to pick at it.

A couple times yesterday... I went too far and a little bead of blood started. A quick push back into place and all was well.

A short bit ago.. I started to explore under the gelfoam stuff. You know, use a little tool... say.. something like the little screw driver from an eye glass fixer kit -- an endlessly useful thing to have even though I no longer need glasses.

Bit... by bit... I pried.. and levered... and lifted. I was quite sure I'd start bleeding any moment.. but I didn't.

So.. bit by bit.. I took it all off.

Why, you ask, did I feel the need to peel this gelfoam off three-ish days after it was applied when the hospital-folk said it would stay on for at least a week and then peel off on it's own?

I pick at scabs. I do. This.. was like a big scab. Well, not really big. But it was like scab.. only worse since it wasn't a scab, but just like one.

Plus, I can now slather it in Neosporin. You laugh.. I keep a tube in the bathroom and here at the computer desk. I'm like the guy from the Greek Wedding movie... only I use a real ointment, not blue spray. I'm also feeling much better about going to the reunion -- not worried I'm going to spontaneously start to bleed. A simple bandaid and all is well.

And... I don't really want to go. I don't know these people. I have no desire to know them. I get flashes in my head of who's who.. but it's all 15+ years. These are the very definition of strangers.

There will be the little contingent of my immediate family... even my father who can't really move so well anymore. putting myself in his shoes, this will be extraordinarily depressing.

The last time he saw these people... he was gregarious. Now... he is not. Now.. as my mother says, simply being around the girls tries him out. I can't imagine what he's thinking about being around 30+ people and knowing he's but a shallow... imitation of himself. I have no doubt he's going simply because mother wants him to.

In other news.. Loca loves my bag. Is started to pack things and left the bag on my bed. She jumped right in and settled down. She's really got a quirk about being inside things. A few minutes ago I went and loosely closed the top over her... not zippered, just laid it close. I could see her eyes peeping out.. and I think, but am not sure, that she started purring.

So.. I'm off for three days... back for two and off for three more. During the second three... my career fate will be decided.

In other work news, I've been stunningly good about not checkng my email. I've done vmail once a day.. but that's it. Color me happy.