"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

A job...
August 14, 2008 - 9:18 pm

At... about 6:30pm this evening (guess I don't really need to say "pm" and "this evening" do I?) my boss called me.

I saw his name on the caller ID and I blinked. He never calls me. No reason for him to call me at 6:30, that's for sure.

Imagines of some problem flashed in my mind. What I had I fucked up? What was I going to help fix? A 6:30 call was not likely to be good.

Turns out.. he was driving from one city to another.. thinking his manager things.

He and I had talked earlier today... talked about my mid-year review. All things rosey. One sort of lingering item is that he knows I want to do something else. I've toyed with a few positions, but nothing has really caught my fancy. I know if/when something does, he'll be more than happy to call the interviewer and recommend me.

But... like I said, he was thinking his manager things, which means he was thinking about the region. About his team. About his puzzle pieces.

He called to ask me if I wanted a different job in-region. A job.. that I generally view as a shitty job.

It's, more or less, the job that makes the really well-paid folks (where I'd like to end up) look good. Or it's the job where the wheels fall off. It's an extreme detail sort of job.

My view of this position is.. to say the least... skewed. I tend to see them in action when there's a problem. I come into the picture when they need X or Y. I know that... there are many accounts we have where I've never done a single thing. I don't see these accounts. I'm not needed on those.

Anyway, the point of his offer is that from this position, the transition to the really well paid folks is... a much more logical step than from where I am now.

No promises made. Nothing like that.. but, well... it's implicitly there.

This immediate change.. could mean a move. Could. I wouldn't have to. I know the preference is to be in-region and I am currently not. I've got no ties here.. except well... I'm probably underwater on my mortgage. I'm not sure how that would work. I think... I'd have to pay the whole thing off with the sale. I don't think I'd get to keep making payments since I no longer have anything to back the mortgage. Never mind.. that I don't have any money to do a down payment for the new place. The days of zero down loans are, or so I read, long gone.

All in all.. I think I'd like to move.

However, as noted above.. there are some weighty financial issues.

How would the company help with this? I'm not sure.

We discussed my likely new location.

It's a far cheaper place to live. It would be an instant pay increase. This.. however... only slightly factors into my thinking.

My real thinking... is on the position itself. Would I like it? Could I do it for a year or two?

I once told myself that I could do any job for a year. That's probably true, but I'm much more in tune with the idea of being happy. A year really isn't so very long... not if the payoff is there at the end.

But.. what happens if I don't get the payoff? What if I learn I really wouldn't like the next step position?

These are the things I ponder.

I did ask magic 8 ball and it said yes. However, I'm not so sure if I asked SHOULD I take the new position.. or WOULD I take the new position.

The difference is important. SHOULD says it will ultimately be good for me. WOULD simply means I'd do it with no promise of anything.

My initial reaction to his question was.. bluntly honest. I said something to the effect of... "It's my understanding that it's a terrible job." I enjoy being honest. Really, I do. It's so much nicer to simply speak freely. I tend to find people like that approach.

I know bossman was taken aback by my comment. He fumbled a bit in trying to pitch the idea to me.

I did commit to considering it.

The click is ticking.

Early next week we'll talk again.

I require.. more information.

1) How would the move work? To what degree would I get company help?
2) Do I really think I'd enjoy the job?
3) Moving isn't needed. In fact, I'd not even need to move from my cube if I stay here.
4) It would be more travel. I sort of like that idea.
5) What exactly would my new pay be?
6) I need a better handle on exactly what the job is. I think I'll call bossman and ask him about my talking to some current people in the role. Normally I'd just call some folks, but he made the odd comment, "The spot will be coming open soon..."

We are doing mid-year reviews... so I'm wondering if someone is getting canned. Perhaps quitting? I don't want to inadvertently spill those beans.

In an odd twist, I met with a guy today who wanted the skinny on what I do. He's going to go for my role out West.

This too... is odd. They don't have an opening. I know this.. because there's only seven of us. Seven. Either one of two people is getting fired there (extra-ordinarily implausible), someone is quitting or moving on... or they are expanding. Expanding strikes me.. as unlikely. As do someone from the West taking a new role... The details of these judgments.. are well.. pointless to type out. It'd be too vague, to cryptic.

What to do... what to do...

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

There are people at work to ask for advice, but I already know what they will say. The idea of this position has come up in fantasy talk before.

This is reality. This is... well, different.

I frown at people who say I could never do X or Y when they've never been close to having to do either. It's bullshit to say. You'd like to think you wouldn't, but you've no idea what you'd do until you're there.

Anyway. I'm rambling.

The gears in my head are turning. Grinding. Pondering.

In truth, the job scares the shite out of me. However... if I can't do this job... no way I could come close to doing the next step. This makes me think my long-term plan is faulty. That I'm just blowing smoke up my own ass. That I've no real intention to go for the next-step job.

I could stay where I am. I could adjust to it. The easy days now do make up for the shitty days before.

I think.

I ponder.

I've got days... how many? Four? Possibly Five.