"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

But for the randomness of chance...
August 12, 2007 - 10:02 pm

The pictures were of a house... a house two above where I grew up -- two houses up the street. This house.. this house I've seen a million times.. was totally engulfed in flames.

Lightning struck it she said. A neighbor across the street took pictures and sent them.

People like to share misery.

The people who lived there.. built the house some 35 years ago. It was the only place they'd ever lived - at least as a family.

They lost everything.. totally burned to the ground.

I'm not sure why she sent me the pictures. It's an impressive thing to see a house totally in flames... to see fire trucks on the street in front of where I grew up.

Made me remember showing the pictures of where I grew up.. pictures taken when my parents moved out. Trying to share.. to be open.

I'm not good at that.

I remember... a lack of interest. That's how I perceived it. I remember thinking, I'm not good at this.. but I'm trying it. My home, where I grew up... being sold. A big deal. I remember thinking, perhaps I'm wrong. I'm not good at this. Perhaps it's not a big deal. Perhaps that's why... why there's no interest, no connection being made in what I'm saying.

Isn't that what it's all about? Making a connection.

So I let it go. What else is there to do? Sit and ponder, but you can't figure it out. You never can. Either you 'get' it or you don't.

That makes me think of other conversations... where I've tried to express varying degrees of isolation and.. what's the word I want... unrelatedness. I'll make that word up.

I just don't think of things the same way. It's not... a lack of wanting to or anything like that. It's a simple reality. A fact of my life.

What's my point?

My point isn't worth sharing. I'm just feeling sad, depressed... and am rambling here.

I've little desire to actually go to VA. Just another thing.. just another thing I've got to do because it's what people do. Only now... it's a tad more complicated.

How many storms had that house weathered? How many? Chance... a roll of the dice and gone. Burned. Nothing left.

Makes me think of the entry here.. a year, perhaps a year and a half ago -- I heard sirens from the highway. Lots of sirens. The kind of sirens.. that mean something bad happened. That mean someone probably died... but for the rarndomness of chance go I.