"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

why?
September 28, 2006 - 10:26 pm

that's the simplest way to try and explain how i feel.. i don't understand.

today was the day of my final presentation.. and, by all accounts, it went well - exceedingly well.

so be it. i'm fine with that.

a graduation dinner was held in our honor, all eleven of us. i don't like such dinners, but i grasp their importance, so be it. i went.

words were said.. the typical pointless drivel that gets said about us being the future and all that shit.

each of us got an ingraved glass dealie - a nice dealie and a plaque. i'm not sure how to better describe them, so leave it at nice.

words were said for each person.. something funny, something positive.. if you've even been to such a thing, you know the drill.

i'm last. i'm nearly always last.

this is what i don't understand.

the words about me were to the effect of.. i was a leader (the leader?) of the group at the start and i was the leader of the group at the finish. later words were said in private... that people fully expect and look forward to the day i'm a senior leader..

why am i a leader?

why would i be a senior leader?

why me above all others?

why such words heaped on me?

why did the vp of sales shake my hand say "it looks like i need to get to know you quick."

why did the president of my division shake my hand and say, "i'm sure we'll be seeing more each other very soon."

why?