"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

and then there are days like this...
September 26, 2006 - 7:41 pm

we've gone over this tool.. several times. we've gone over to the point that whenever it's suggested we are going to touch on it again, people groan.

one at time.. we file into the room and do our little 20 minute demo. quick. easy. painless. all the more easy and painless since we got to make up the numbers and situation.. basically, you got to tailor it (more or less) to what you felt most comfortable with.

i went fourth out of eleven. the first person came back and said, "i've never done anything so hard. i totally fucked that up."

suddenly this easy, pointless exercise seemed.. oddly important. we were to be grilled on this tool.. question are question was aimed at the unlucky first person. nothing definitive was given, just that he wanted to know _everything_ -- not helpful to those of us to follow.

my turn comes.. i go.. i do the dog and pony show.. i leave. much ado about nothing i think.

back in the room, people ask me questions.. i down play everything.

then.. it hits me. the questions people are asking.. are basic questions. it dawns on me.. these fucking idiots don't grasp the tool.

they moan and bitch when we go over it.. but when it comes time to explain, they can't do it. i mean, not even the basic most important line. i mean the line that is labeled and says 90% of what it means in the label. i mean.. the line that really is the whole fucking point of the tool. i mean... whatever.

today.. this afternoon, what do we do? we go over the tool - again. it's pointed out most of the first people thru couldn't explain it.. of course, the later people could - clearly we talked about what was up.

it was rumored we were going to do this at lunch, before we knew for sure. peopled rolled their eyes. they sighed. they bitched. they made fun of the whole process.

the sad, sad part is.. i could sit down with anyone of you and walk you thru the tool in five minutes. i don't exaggerate. i mean that. literally. five minutes and you'd be able to do everything i can do with.

you might forget what this or that really means, but well.. you only have five minutes. we've spent hours. four lines.. four fucking lines take something close to interpretation.

nevermind we are being paid.. fully pay i might add, to be trained. they complain, they bitch.. they don't even bother to learn what's presented. what could be better than being paid to learn something? we don't (yet) have to do anything, just learn. everyone's been to college, so i guess they are too used to paying for the privilage if being exposed to new material.

at times like these, i'm reminded of a funny (to me) incident that occured years ago (wholey fuck i'm old) when i was working or small business back in PA. we did work for a major software company.. and got to be on lots of mailing lists. lots and lots of email lists.

i had no idea why i was on any of them. none of them related to what i did and i couldn't follow what was being discussed in them. from time to time some fool would reply all (and some lists had to have 100 or more people on them) and ask to be taken off. on rarer occasions, someone else would reply to this reply all (again replying all) and helpfully point out how to get off such lists and that it was considered very rude to reply all to such emails.

at my office, we'd snicker at this.

in one instance, one person replied all to be taken off.. someone else followed suit and then a third. finally, someone did the expected reply all saying to stop replying all.. and then a second followed suit deploring all the email clutter this one email had generated.

confused yet?

anyway, on and on it went. perhaps ten people wanted off.. and four or so replied, all pissed off that they had (by the last person) 14 emails all from this one email.. some on rant about etiquette and others trying to helpful get people off a list they didn't want to be one.

then.. came another email. the "best" email. the person's title was "senior vice-president" and he had read all the 14 or 15 emails he found sitting in his inbox after his meeting with the company's president. he read them all since, as there were so many, clearly something of great importance had happened.

the gist of his reply to everyone went something like this:

"every day i sit in meetings with people, smart people. people far more brilliant than i am and i wonder to myself, 'how can i possibly deserve to be here? how can i possibly be smart enough to sit in the same room as these brilliant folks? surely there must be others far more worthy than me...?' and then there are days like this..."

and he just kinda let it trail off. the clear implication is that everyone who'd replied to all was fucking moron and he wanted it to stop. he did it in a much more interesting way.

i looked at my co-worker and she looked at me.. and we just burst out laughing.

sadly, i lost the bet.. we put the over/under on total emails at 20 and i bet on the over. not a single reply came after the senior vp's. if i recall correctly, his was 17. the fucker cost me ten bucks.

why do i bring this up? i sit in that room.. our training room and think about the people i've met in the field. i know that i don't know what they know. i know i'm not qualified to do what i'm going to be done -- and this program doesn't really train to my position. i'm sort of fucked that way, but my boss knows it.. and well, there's nothing to be done. well, unless he decides to fire me or demote me to some other role, neither action i'd take issue with. in fact, save for the pay change, i'd welcome the demotion.

as i sit in the room and fret about my impending crash-course hell to come.. and i think to myself, wtf are these other morons in the room with me?

these people i'm in the room with.. are who reply all. these people are the people who want to be paid and not do anything. these people are the people who.. just don't get so fucking much.

it just.. confuses me. how can you sit through hours of training.. on a tool it's clear we need to know (actaully, i don't need to know it for what i'm going to be doing -- this goes back to the trahing not made for what i'm going to be doing) and not learning anything?

how? why would you?

anyway. thursday.. we do our presentations, our finals. i can only hope there are actual grades.. and people fail -- well, provided the fuck up the presentation.

of course.. i don't pretend i know everything i should know. i know i don't. anyway. my point is.. er, i don't know what my point. other than i had to sit through another fucking afternoon 'learning' the same shit i've learned before due folks being lazy.