"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

why do we choose like we do?
July 20, 2006 - 9:16 pm

well, for starters.. i finally managed to turn off the tv -- despite wanting to watch landis and his amazing ride up mountians. staggering that he did so poorly yesterday and leaped into 3rd place today.

of course, hearing the announcers blather on gets a bit old, but well.. that's all part of watching the tour i suppose.

what can't i focus on? a presentation for tomorrow. i made my slides, did that at work. what i don't know.. is what i'm going to say about these slides. just two slides.. only five minutes or so, nothing big or difficult.

for a bit of a switch instead of listing the topics i'm going to talk about.. i've put the major "attention grabbing" stats on the slide. this way.. i can't forget them... and, in theory, the folks watching it will be interested to see just what the various numbers mean..

in theory. will it go over well with the trainer-folk? i've no idea.. probably. it's different. different gets attention.. and attention is good in presentations.

so.. why can't i focus on this? why can't i invest the hour or so i'll need to go over the two slides and get a decent idea of what i'll say for five minutes.. so i can go and lay in bed and hash it over endlessly and get next to no sleep? i'm not sure.

don't get me wrong, i'm not.. nervious or worried. it's just.. well, something quite close to i don't care...

i think what i am nervious about is the upcoming field visit -- which starts in two mondays. i've been nursing this nagging.. growing.. worry that the fella i'll be "training" with won't care for me.. or that i'll do something stupid.. or, more likely, that i'll decide i don't want to do this either.. and the wheels will fall off.

yes, yes, i know.. if you expect something bad to happen, you're much more likely to somehow "make" that happen. one should focus on all the good, the positive.

so why do i choose not to? i'm not sure. human nature i guess.

that's the pisser of it.. i know it's totally my choice. too bad our minds tend to be setup so that we don't ever quite know why we do what we do.. we just sort of 'have ideas' and 'choose to act'.

anyway.. i'm now sorely tempted to open up the big ass binder and find the pages with the info i need.

should i? will i?