"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

i don't want your food.
May 12, 2006 - 6:38 pm

you see, there's this gal at work, T. she's sort of hard to describe. at lunch today.. she asked me if i wanted the last slice of pizza (left over from yesterday's lunch meeting). i was on the phone (on hold) and said no without even giving her any eye contact or anything.

she walked away.. and then stopped and said, "i'm going to have soup, are you sure you don't want pizza?"

i completely ignored her. i'd already said i didn't want pizza.

sure enough.. she comes back and sets the "heated up" pizza on my desk. i hit mute and say, "why is there pizza on my desk?"

"i'm having soup..."

"i said no to the pizza."

"i heated it up..."

i stare at her. a moment passes. i'm about to say, "get the fucking pizza off my desk your twit."

she picks it off and offers it someone else.. who eats it.

hours later, she's made popcorn and puts some on my desk. i don't like popcorn. perhaps if it's super buttery i'll eat some.. or in a rare mood. she then asks, "do you want popcorn."

i say no. she removes it.. and gives it to someone else.

she then asks me if want some skittels.. some starbursts.. some of whatever the fuck she has.

i do not. in point of fact, i can't recall EVER accepting any food she's ever offered.

it became something of a joke after the fifth or sixth thing. something, but not quite.

part of me is thinking, what the fuck is the deal? why the continued offering of food?

i get that i'm fat. fat people eat -- this is, in large part, how we became fat. i get that it's "nice" to offer people food.

i also get that since i'm fat, it means i've never had much trouble finding something to eat when the whim strikes. in other words, i don't need help in finding food.

i also get that when you keep offering people food, or anything for that matter, and they say no.. and no and no.. you stop asking repeatedly. sure, you can ask to be kind.. but once is enough.

now.. you need to keep in mind, i'm giving zero in terms of positive non-verbal cues. there's no interest what so ever.. in fact the tone of my voice should be more than enough for someone to leave me alone.

i know this.. because it works well the very vast majority of the time.

now, i know.. this doesn't much seem like something to get upset over. however it's one event in a chain.. an other straw upon the camels back as it were.

it's the sort of thing that you forget about.. that vanishes after a short bit. only it never really vanishes. it's the sort of "i can't think of something right now" reason why you come to dislike someone..

perhaps that's why i choose to type this out.. perhaps i'll remember this and other things when i finally tell her to leave me alone.. that she doesn't have to concern herself with being "nice" to me.