"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

talking myself into..
February 24, 2006 - 10:24 pm

i have the inate knack of doing just exactly the wrong thing. my history tells me this. i makes me second guess myself on future choices. how can't i?

in reality things should be simple. they are simple. choose, as best you can, what you want.. and go for it.

worry, doubt.. fear.. all natural. more often than not, justified. the thing is, is i tend to let the fear choose too much. i take the path that seems.. easier, or less risky.

people may look at what i've done and disagree.. but i assure you 9 out of 10 choices have been the "easy" one... not the one i want to try most.

history has taught me that's best.

the hitch is that.. i'm left with a path of chioces.. that don't satisfy. i'm left with nagging doubts. i'm left with wondering about "what if?"

i suppose the question is, is it better to try and fail or not to try at all?

i suppose the answer depends on just what's at stake.. but, regardless, it's a sad fact of reality that in order to get what you really want you need to put yourself at risk of not getting it.

something about victory being sweeter the nearer to losing or whatever. i'm sure there's some saying that fits what i'm trying to say.

why am i rambling about all this? i'm talking myself into doing something. i think.

of course.. the fact remains... well, no, best not to get into that just now.

i do think about people who say they have no regrets.. and i wonder if they are just lying (to me or to themselves) or if they've just never dared to dream.

i do think about people who say they never did x, y or z and finally went back to do it.. sometimes they say it's best thing they ever did. or times they say they don't know what the big deal was.

i don't think whether it was good or not is the point.. i think the point is they know.

g.i. joe taught me that knowing is half the better. i think it's taken me nearly thirty years to fuss out what the other half is.

how fucking pathetic is that?