"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

think of me what you will
November 10, 2005 - 6:13 pm

i think i know why, though it's not a huge secret.. nothing official has been said yet.

i wonder how this all might effect me. the sooner things get "good" in the office.. the sooner i can head off to a job i like better.

this is the weird uncurrent to the turmoil in my personal life.. all my 'i dislike my job' junk has a key point of my going to another state to fix that.

be it back to school or something else in my current company.

why then the push on the personal front? i'm not so sure i'd call it a push.. but more like that was the rut i found myself in that situation. i got my head fixated on the goal of us meeting up - to see what's there, to really see.

could i get a phd here? sure uconn would do. could i keep working here? sure lots of companies in the area.

would i do that? if i felt strongly enough, of course. do i think it could have worked? of course -- if we both decided we wanted it to.

i think a great part of me knew it'd never happen though.. but i wanted one last face to face time. not a fight, not an argument - i can't see that being how things go, i really can't.

regardless, i think a great part of me knew it'd never happen. her rut, like mine, seemed to drive her pull me towards and then push me away.

why am i writing this? i don't know. good old stream of conscience typing.

the only regret i have is the last email i sent. but that's what you get when you wake up and read what i read.. and reply. never should have replied then.

oh well.

think of me what you will. i'm comfortable with my belief that more often than not my remarks/thinking were correct or close enough.