"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

my mind at work
September 06, 2005 - 6:15 pm

i am.. confused.

this is nothing new, i know. however, this time 'round the mulberry bush i've put myself into a sweet pickle that isn't kosher -- no not kosher by a long shot.

what did i do? mutually exclusive semi-committments.

classic. foolish. a clear sign of my continued uncertaintly regarding this hell on earth called work.

work was originally about survival.

now it's about paying for gas so i get to work to make more money to pay for more gas to get me to work.

it's about buying things. we need money to buy things -- not things we need, but things we are told by a box (be it one with pictures and sound or just sound) that we should buy.

we are consumers -- born and breed.

for the most part we know it. to some degree we relish in it. we like to say we buy more shit than anyone else.

nevermind that we make more waste.

nevermind that all the things we are so dearly and clearly focused on.. if we could just step back and evaluate from an objective point of view.. would be absurd.

people buy pre-ripped clothes.

we get upset about seeing various parts of other people's bodies.

we don't mind seeing dead bodies.

i am confused.. you see, not about what i want to do for a living -- but i am confused by my choices on what to do for a living. i am confused by the very necessity that one must do "something" for a living.

clearly. i am not sane. by sane, i mean normal. by normal.. i mean.. well i've no idea what i mean. i'm not it, so i can't explain it.

shall i pick the known or the unknown?

am i a risk taker or risk avoider?

a pretty basic question, isn't it? the answer, about me, is painfully easy to see.

and with the answer to the question on what to do.

kinda staggering.. how i just thought through all that and have my answer.