"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

the facts of the matter
July 21, 2005 - 6:41 pm

the result of this, in hindsight, poor choice is that i'm no longer talking with said person and hate, yes hate, my job.

don't get me wrong, i don't hate the company.. in fact, i think i'd rather enjoy other spots within the company.. but my blinders are long since off.. and i won't be moving to anything new anytime soon. experiened folk in what i do is hard to find.. and the idea of training two new people at once (even though the current one person we need isn't hired yet) is well, abhorrent to my boss -- as well it should be.

as for the personal side of why i came here.. that just imploded. what else to say about it? perhaps i was too naive to think it could work out.

on both counts.. perhaps i've too much of a romantic-type streak in me. weird, yes i know.. but there nonetheless.

perhaps i'm just too out of touch with reality... and every now and then i get snapped rudely back.

such is life... in all it's absurd glory.

what can be done? i can look for a new job... that's easy enough. i can make new friends and/or try to patch up old, lost relationships..

it occurs to me that both of these just address symptons of what's going on.

the root problem is far more basic and totally centric to me.

a problem isn't the right word. to be honest, i like who i am more than i think i do. what i don't like.. is the world around me.

neither one (me or "reality") is "wrong" we just don't see eye to eye.

it's rather hard to find the right words to try and accurately convey what i mean.. doublely hard just typing them to a screen.

yes, this is much better done in a conversation.. too bad there's no one for me to talk to about such things.