"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

a new way of looking at things
July 04, 2004 - 8:05 pm

i thought about that just before logging in and i realized.. that posting on dland is, in a very sad and pathetic way, my talking to a friend.

my life consists of living with my sister-in-law and her two childern.. taking care of household like things.. working and going to class.

yeah, so in other words i'm wallowing my self-imposed lonliness and disillusionment.

i wish my pc was up and running. i wish i was living alone and could listen to that donnie darko song, 'mad world' - not the original, but the piano version.

i really do feel like nothing i do in regards to school matters. in my head there are two paths i see for me.

one is long. one is short. i don't think either is really easy. i'm not sure i'm up for either.

if i was, i'd pick one. instead.. i wallow and wait.

sometimes though, i suppose when you need to get going it's best just to get to getting - isn't it?

i think i'm done looking for signs that someone gives a shit. i'm done pretending that an email is going to be in my inbox or that i might get a phone call. i'm done with the notion that tomorrow might be a better day. it will be the exact same as today - perhaps marginally better.. or marginally worse.

so, perhaps i'm not really wallowing.. i'm just coming to terms with a new way of looking of things.