"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

a rant
February 11, 2004 - 10:54 pm

wholey fuck! what is this? threw myself on an alter?!

i understand it's dramatic wording.. and not a literal request (at least i don't think it's literal..) but what the fuck?

for the last 2 (1.5?) years who wanted to have a phone converstation and who wouldn't even agree to that? who wanted to meet in person and who wouldn't agree to that? who wanted to talk things out by some medium a tad more personal and meaningful than symbols on instant messages or email?

i wanted to talk on the phone. i wanted to talk to you face to face. i wanted to communicate to you via any means more personal than black symbols on a white back ground.

you talk of me throwing myself on an alter?!

how about you having done one damn thing to try and further our relationship?? name one thing you did.

what idea did you have? us talking more on instant messanger? sure, that can be a good thing for a long distant relationship - a godsend on occasion.. but when we both have cell phones with free minutes.. isn't hearing someone's voice better?

instant messanger isn't a way to build a strong foundation for lasting relationship - that's my firm, unwavering opinion and has been for the entire time you've known me.

it's a decent way to chat and start the 'getting to know you process', but it sucks, horribly horribly sucks at conveny emotion and depth of feeling..

when no other option works, it's a good way to stay in contact.

but let's face it.. if that's the only way you're willing to communicate.. what could be colder?

why on earth would i throw myself on an alter for someone who doesn't want to hear my voice?

you chose symbols over voice. yes i know your phone doesn't work at home - but it is a cell phone and it does work places other than your home - right?

why not.. call from some place where it does work? i mean.. if it's too much work to find a place that's comfortable for you to sit and talk to me.. how can you even pretend to have the energy to put into a relationship?

seriously.. explain this 'throw myself on an alter', perhaps i'm totally misreading those words.

ok, rant off. it's like.. past converstations we've had didn't exist.

hrm, perhaps she does literally want me on an alter.. all sacrificed and stuff.