"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

i'm tired.
November 22, 2003 - 7:50 pm

we talked about lots of things - life, religion, the universe.. deep things i suppose.

lately it seems.. all i try to do is get people to understand where i'm coming from. no one seems to grasp were i am to start with.

it seems i've gotten so very, very far removed from the rest of the world.

part of me is happy at this - i like that i see things differently.

part of is distressed by this - it's a basic human need to be understood and i know no one who understand me.

it's such an effort to try to and express things clearly, accurately. everyone hears people talk and we interpret what they are saying - we give meaning to the sounds that we hear or symbols that we read. that meaning isn't always what the sender meant.

it's utterly exhausting to have to define words, be so precise in the ones i choose - to clarify which meaning i meant.. to make sure, as well as i can, what i'm saying is being not only heard and understood. to get someone to loose their preconceived notions of what i'm trying to say and actually listen to what i'm saying.

this whole freaking entry is basically redundant.. why? i'm trying to be clear and i can't tell if you get what i mean.. so i keep trying to resay the same thing, to narrow down the possible meanings you take from this.

to say it in as few words as possible, i'd say: "i'm tired."

to you, that doesn't begin to convey the depth of what i mean.

i don't want to explain myself anymore. i don't want to argue with you anymore. i want something other than arguing. i don't want to have to back over you're preconceived ideas of where i'm coming from, of what i mean.

i want something more than that.

i think i deserve more than that.