"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

no eulogy for me and chess
October 27, 2003 - 2:40 pm

that's exactly what i expected.

a while ago, ages ago it seems, something like 'do you write here for you or for people to read?'

looking back of things, not just here, but everything. i've always done things for others - because i was expected to.

i've always chaffed at it, but it's true nonetheless.

i started this page years ago for a girl i haven't spoken to in years. i carried on with it out of.. a feeling that if it wasn't her that was meant to read it, then someone else was meant to.

silly i know.

i used to write about things i found absurd. i stopped that.. because i realized this dairy is a monument to the concept of absurdity.

wholly pointless.

i'm sure you've heard of the exercise of writing your own obituary. it's supposed to make you think about what kind of person you want to be remembered as - what sorts of things you'd like to have done. i think it's generally a good exercise for high school kids to do.

to be honest, i feel no desire to be remembered. i like the fact i'm largely anonymous. there's no need to take up space in a newspaper with an announcement. no need for anyone to gather.

the idea of just disappearing, of just no longer being there is what i like.

i've done nothing and can't imagine i'll ever do anything worth being talked about.

oddly, i'm using a lot of words to try and express that idea. sometimes i have trouble being concise.

i think i'm going to go play a game of chess on yahoo.