"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

looking forward to exploding
May 13, 2003 - 4:50 pm

most of today as was quite calm, uneventful even. i've had a case of slowly growing rage towards my soon to be school, but i've just been letting that smolder.

i think, in fact i can lay out a pretty convincing case, that the administration of this school is incompotent. perhaps it's the people. perhaps it's the policies. perhaps all schools are. i don't know.

this is the current smoldering issue. two sundays ago i sent an email with two questions to my financial aid advisor. i did i talk about this already? i think i did.

thursday i sent a third question on top of the email with the first two. i think the reply time should be faster than a week, but i've been told by others to expect atleast a weeks delay. so i didn't expect a reply to my sunday until sometime the next week. the day i send the updated email, thursday, the advisor replies asking me for my ssn.

this annoys me. my ssn was included in the original email from sunday, which is right below the email i sent thursday. clearly she didn't read my entire email.

i reply, including my ssn, and explain that i hadn't included it as it was in the email below - and restate that i have a total of three questions.

she replies in under an hour with the answer to nothing but the third question. i swallow the urge to scream in frustation and reply with a new email restating the original two questions and include my ssn.

this isn't the first time she, my advisor, hasn't bother to read my whole email. i don't get what's so hard. i keep them short and to the point.

so that, and everything else they've done including at first call me in-state though i've never ever lived in the state, is smoldering.

i try to keep focused that i'm there for the degree, not the admin staff. by contrast, i've rather enjoyed talking to the people who run my program, but that's a whole other issue.

today i get home and open up my mail. i see a letter from my parents, which means they forwarded the info regarding my govt loans. at their advice, i'm using thier address as my permanent residence, making it far easier since i won't have to worry about changing addresses and all that crap.

i open it up to review the docs and i feel the vein start to throb.

at first i'm confused, 'why am i so upset so quickly?' i ask myself. i didn't get a papercut.

i realize the letter from the govt is opened.

this is an issue i've visited with my parents in the past. any mail that comes for me they open. doesn't matter what it is.

this irks, no pissed me off. i'm a private person and you'd think that not only would my parents, who freaking raised me, would know this..but respect it.

they don't.

i'm now debating do i call and verbally revisit the issue or do i send an email? if i send the email, i can reforward it to them if needed and highlight i've talked to you about this before. verbally is probably 'friendlier, unless the conversation goes down hill.

i can understand that they want to know what's going on, but that's what pisses me off. i've actaully been filling them in on everything. they know how much it costs. they know how much aid i've been approved for. they know my classes. they know where i'm probably going to be living.

if they attempt to pull the bullshit line that we didn't know it was for you - we didn't read the envelope. i'm going to go through the roof. i told them it was coming. i told them what it was. it's labled if big fat fucking letters "DIRECT LOAN".

i can feel the vein wanting to thump-thump again. but no, i'm not going to go down that road any more.

i'm going to internalize it all. just adding to the smoldering pile.

i'm oddly looking forward to when it all explodes. arn't you?