"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

not running right
February 09, 2003 - 8:51 pm

i like analogies. i dunno why, but i do. i seem to always try to explain one thing in terms of another...it's just how my mind works i guess.

as i was driving it occured to me that my current car is my third car. like a lot of people i suppose, i still remember my first car. in some ways i miss it.

it was a four door white chevy cavilier. nothing exotic or special, very run of the mill. i drive it for 6 years. the last five months that i drove it, it sounded different to me.

i was convinced that it was about to die. it was up around 130,000 miles and i knew that i hadn't taken the best care of it. still, it had been good to me. two 'major' problems were all that i'd had. the brake line had burst once, thankfully i was going slow in a parking lot. the altenator had gone once, at night.. making it kinda scary as my headlights got dimmer and dimmer...

anyway, i told my parents i was thinking about getting rid of it since it was 'running funny'. my dad listened to it and said it was fine. i disagreed, but couldn't site anything other than it 'sounded different'. it ended up that i got a new car and gave the chevy to my dad. i gave it to him for free and said he shouldn't plan on driving it long.

he changed all the belts, thinking perhpas that was cause and happily drove it.

he drove it for all of four months when it died. the transmission went. he had it looked at and some gasket or other was leaking.. a few other little things were on the verge of going.

i told him, i'd driven that car for six years. it was my first car. everything i ever learned about cars, i learned while owning it. to this day i still mix up, on occasion, which side my gas tank is on. if you can think of something a high school/college boy could or would do in a car, i did it in that car.

i never had a love affair with my car the like folks do. i just knew it.

lately, i can see myself like i'm someone else. i can see me like i'm some sort of bodyless observer.

i am my car. i am not running right.

i can't define it in any other way. i can't substaniate it..

i'm just not.