"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

the play is done
September 09, 2002 - 6:23 pm

i understand this. i accept this.

i feel it's misplaced and i'm going to try and express that.

i doubt i'll be very well heard.

i think, in the end, it will do them good to have a face to go with my name. i will at least have a chance to mutter something in my defense, an explanation, a reasoning.

it's going to be a bad night. there's going to be fallout.

someone or other once said something (isn't that wonderfully clear start to a sentence?) about being right on a prinicple can worst way to be right. i totally screwed that up. maybe it was something about what's right isn't always popular?

i get what i mean, that's what counts.

i'm actaully nervous about this. i tend to not like public speaking. i tend to like hostility focused at me even less. i consider a room full of forty-some people quite public and i'm sure it will be quite hostile.

i feel good i got to speak to the person involved. i think he understands. he's the only one of them i care about understanding.

is there a lesson to be learned in this? i suppose there's a few. it depends on which one i decide to learn.

i could learn not to speak up when i see something wrong, to let the chips fall as they may, to turn a blind eye so to speak.

i could learn that messanger always does get shot.

i could learn if you see something that's not right, even if sucks for you or others...it's best to fix it now rather than have someone else deal with it later.

i did learn that you can't trust people. well i already knew that. it seems as a somewhat interesting side note to this is an email conversation i thought was private, wasn't so private. i think the most important lesson there is don't use email for sensitive talks. i knew that from work. i just didn't choose to apply that knowledge to my private life. i thought having an anon chat with someone would be a good way to learn the facts and help me offer better advice. to a point i think it did, the problem is at least one of my emails was forwarded to poeple it wasn't meant for. i'm going to be grilled on that for sure.

i suppose the biggest thing i should learn from this is that before i do anything, i need to step back and verify what i'm doing. i need to consider more variables. i can't just take a "i'll let them know and that's that" type attitude. things never go as planned, at least not for me.

it's odd, i'm gernally so analytical. i can look back and see each point i misstepped and think..why did i do that? i dunno, i did it. i guess i acted the best way i could.

i'm right about the princple of it, though standing in front of them i don't think that's going to offer much comfort.

the die have been cast, the play is done. i'll be taking my curtain call and boo'd off stage and so it will end.