"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

logic? what'st that?
September 08, 2002 - 1:06 am

i like my thoughts as i first have them, not so much what they've become.

i find myself more obessive about odd things, like today in the shower i had a discussion with myself about color. my shower cutrain is mostly green, but it's not really green...green is the frequency of light that is reflected. at least to my understanding of such things, which means that curtain is really every color BUT green, since all the other visible frequencies are absorbed. but is it right to say that the curtain is really any color? what color is matter?

let's say aliens do exist and they see colors differnet than us. what we see as blue, they see as pink. who is right? humans would of course say the humans are right because we are like that...but does matter really have an absolute color?

later i watched the 12 monkeys, good movie. i thought a lot about james cole seeing big james cole die, but not know it was him. this would go back to donnie darko to. the whole paradox of time travel interest me.

i would have to say human don't ever do it since, as yet, there's no recorded history of it. i mean if future people had gone to our past and did something, we'd know about it since it would have already happened.

i think i subscribe to the theory that there are an infinite number of realities. there's a reality for every choice/chance that could be made or happen. there's a reality where there are no humans, we die out or the greeks lose to sparta or atlantis exists and isn't destroyed by a flood or jfk isn't assinated or i choose to eat a jelly donut instead of a boston creme one. not just big things, but anything.

in such a case, time travel is possible (i think), but you'd not be going back to your specific past, but another past. do you follow me? even if you went back in time and killed one you, that wouldn't matter because you didn't go back to your own past and kill yourself, but you killed "you" in an alternate timeline.

speaking of, go read the book timeline. i think micheal criton write it, i butcherd his name. it speaks to what i just said.

i think a lot about those kinds of things, things that the answer can't be known...it can be guessed at or people can choose what the think. i don't want to choose. i want to know. i waffle on things like freewill vs fate.

in a way it leaves me paralyzed. i get so wrapped up in abstract things that i don't do anything. it depresses me the way my mind works.

i want a new thought process.

i want to be able to either not give a damn or choose.

goddamn it, i want to be easily amused and not care that i am.

i want to be dumb and blissfully happy that i am.

more and more i find that i want to be anything but how i am, yet i refuse to change since i am who i am.

it leads to self-resentment. it seems to me to be perfectly logical, in a very illogical sort of way.