"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

a minor diatribe on the status quo
April 06, 2002 - 10:49 am

i'm done with always being the person to start a conversation. i'm done with being the one to send off emails saying 'hey, havn't heard from you in awhile'. in short, if someone isn't gong to make an effort to talk to me then i'm going to let the dust gather. i've failed horribly in the past at this...since there are very few people i talk to and to lose one is a huge thing to lose. i wonder though how many of those people reply out of politness to my message or email?

i've had llamas on my mind lately. i'm not sure why. i saw a llama farm when i was in pa a few weeks ago. i like llamas. i like the name emu to. i'm not positive what an emu is though.

as for what i want. i really want things that no one else can give me. i want to be happy. can you think of something that, even for a second, might help me to be happy..then that's what i want. i could name things, but it means more to given an unknown something than a asked for something. i think thats why xmass and birthdays are so boring in my family. people get what they ask for and that's about it. there's no surprise or real effort put into things.

sorry, most of you have no idea what i'm babbling about.

hrm, do you ever?

i've been thinking myself to sleep with some really, really bizarre kinda mental daydreams. i think one of these days i should go see a shrink and see what they say. it should prove interesting.

i feel frustrated on all fronts. regardless of my actions nothing has really changed. possibly my employee is soon to, but i can't count that until it does.

i have a massive growing distate for this whole mid-east thing. the fighting in isreal/palestine. did you know that for hundereds, if not over a thousand years, there was no isreal? did you know that modern isreal was created, literally created, 1948? i'm not a fan of either side. in my mind it's become one of the clearest reasons why our current religious system sucks.

i wonder how people here in the states would react if the american indians were given back land and the people who lived there now had to move?

it's not an exact analogy, but it would be interesting.

i'm starting treat seeing news on the fighting there like news on the oj simpson murder case, completely and totally disinterested. i fail to see why there was such fasination with a female suicide bomber. i fail to see how fighting a war with people is going to make them accept the situation and be peaceful. i fail to see how putting one man in exile, arafat, as some have talked about would do anything. there's over 50 years of toxic ingrown hate to deal with. 50 years of kids being told that cause of religion we lost where we used to live...that we lost land our family had owned for hundereds of years. two books...two religions (well three if you toss in christiantity..but it really seems to be a jewish/muslim situation)...two faith systems all based on a "god" no one can truly and undenable proves exists. if that could be done, there would be one religion and everyone would belong. we'd be alot happier.

the single aspect of our culture has done more to kill, harm, torture and destroy life than religion.

do you doubt me? have you ever paid attention to a history lesson?

i find it highly ironic that everyone's god loves peace and harmony. that everyone's god is really a benevolant sort of being and yet...more death and destruction has been done in god's name than, probably, every other reason combined. if i was god, and perhaps you should be thankful i'm not, i'd be rather irked that so many of my childern, as misguided as we are, have taken it upon themselves to jusifty killing others in my name. you know, i just might throw my hands up and walk away in disgust. on wait...when was the last time you heard from god? perhaps god has.

i'm not an athesist. if i had to be put into a category, i'm an agnostic. i got the chance to label myself, i'm a kravenist. there's very little difference to you, but a world of one to me.

i really don't get how we say we are so civilized and laugh at civilizations of the past...how barbaric they were, how uncouth. i think we just have better gadets than they did. i think we've choosen to mistake technological advances for advances in humanity. the two arn't related at all. technology lets us, hopefully, live an easier life...it lets not have to focus on mundane and trival things...it lets us do mircales of healing...it should enable us to live better lives. sadly though, as many people have noted throughout history, we just make bigger and better clubs and rocks to kill people with. every now and then we can take the advances that were caused by military buildup and war and apply to a non-violent use...and then we say oh how civilized we are and forget where the base technology came from.

advances in humanity would something along the lines of people truly enjoying life...of poeple not wanting to kill total strangers over skin color, religious beliefs, where they were born, who they like to have sex with, how they like to have sex, or because they were picked on in school. advances in humanity would be about us getting closer to a utopian type society. peace and happiness would reign. there would be no war, no need for war. look at our news now and tell me we have truly 'progessed'. i watch an hour long block of news and 95% of the stories are about a bad event.

if we are the end result, the final product, of our genetic evolution...using just 10% of our mind, then we are to become the most glorious failure mother nature ever made. i can only hope that the genetic mutation clock is ticking and changes to us are coming soon.

do you like that idea? genetic mutation? i hope so, it's how we got as 'far' as we are today.

i'm gonna go eat some chicken wings. i think i'm gonna try em with thousand island dressing for dipping.