"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

status quo
Feb 24, 2002 - 7:13 pm

a lot of what i think about is something most people don't. see, everyday everyone makes certain basic choices. most people make the choice at an unconscience level. some people get to make it at a conscience one. i'm one of those who debates it endlessly in my mind. it's a fundamental part of my thought process. it's always a close debate in my mind.

if you've no idea what i'm talking about...well, good for you.

it's a heavy thing to think about so often and i do mean more than once a day. it's what i often mean when i say i'm tired...i mean i'm tired of the debate, i'm worn down.

i thought about closing down this page and starting a new one. the only reason i didn't was there's so much history here. i liked the idea of a clean break, a fresh start...but in the end, i decided to archive and stay here.

for reasons i'm not sure of, i've decided, for the trillionth time since i was 15, to stay the present course.

i'm going to contact one of those non-profit debt centers and get all that money shit cleared away. i emailed a local college. they have these advacned certificates, not quite an mba, but close, that i can earn. i want to get a finance one. i want to get into numbers and out of people.

the car...well the car is what the car is. it's done and signed.

a lot of what i write about in here...is well...pointless stuff. it's my chance to talk to and be social. buried here and there are nuggets of meaningful things. i've grown rather attached to it. for the present, my little emotional breakdown is over. i'm passed the point where i stopped yesterday at friendly's for a sandwich and almost started crying in my booth. i'm past laying in bed for 12 hours and lamenting every single stitch of my life. i collected and tossed out 2 bags junk that has been collecting dust. as clean a slate as i get.

i've decided to screw (no pun intended) the whole social/personal aspect of my life. i'm going to focus on finance and work, since the tend to go hand in hand.

this is my plan. of course, it's my plan for today. i know full well it can change at any moment. afterall, the debate in my head is never really settled, the votes are never final.