"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

current state of affiars
feb 24, 2002 - 10:26 am

i spent a good bit of last night looking at colleges. i got this idea that i could go back to school and get a new degree and get myself into a new life. i thought of finance, cause money people make decent money and don't have to work with asshole people like i do now. so i looked at all the branch campuses around here, trying to figure out how this whole thing works. near as i can tell, i'd have to get another four year degree.

i don't like that idea. i want a 2 year program since i already have a bus admin degree. i don't need to take the worthless nonbusiness classes. i'm going to go talk to the local uconn branch tomorrow and see if there's someone there after 5 that can help me. i have no idea how this whole thing works. i want to see if i can do this and quit my job, get some financial aid, work an hourly job somewhere...move to someplace cheap cheap cheap for 2 years, get my degree and get a new life going.

perhaps i should go back to pittsburgh and do this. i can just see me bringing the idea up to my parents, with my just getting a more expensive car...."hey i want to quit my job, go back to school and live at your place. sure i know i just got a car that costs more and i'm a fucking idiot, but what do you think?" no, i'm ready for that.

everyday i think of these things..and everyday it seems either by their own or through my actions, the choices i'd like to see happen i drive (no pun intended) away, screw up or they leave on their own.

i feel absurdly helpless, unintelligent....and generally...generally pointless.