"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

work and cynical
Feb 13th, 2002 - 8:55 pm

i'm talking about my talk with jeff that i want outta stamford on tuesday. see, we had a meeting set up for my yearly review. thought i was hired in october...but i didn't really ask about that. so i got tons of smoke blown up my ass about how i'm his best rep blah blah blah and he thinks i'm ready to be a manager and he will do whatever he can to help me get there when a spot opens up...all the general shit i expected.

i don't think i'm ready to be a manager. i know the business side of things, which is important. i know what's what in terms of project, which is important. i lack people skills. i cringe at the thought of a tough employee manager talk...i mean i couldn't see me having to fire someone. god, the ways i'd babble in that converstaion! i told him this, that i don't think i'm quite there and he disagrees. it's nice to hear. though if i was offered a managers job...i dunno what i'd say. it would be sink or swim for sure. i guess that's the same position i was in when i took this sales job..sink or swim and i'm treading water well enough for people to think i'm swimming.

anyway, after all that that smoke blowing and talk about how i dunno how i'd handle a tough conversation...i said something like...'well, now here's something that you're not going to like' and then precided to pretty much just blurt out that i'd like a transfer. not exactly a stellar way to handle things, but he does understand my position. it really is simple financial/business logic.

i've done my stint in stamford, which in the two years i've been here has had three managers...hired four inside sales reps...fired/lost four inside...fired/lost two outside and hired one outside. it's a fucking joke. there are only nine positions in total and have had a total of ten changes (3 manager, 4 inside and 3 outside) in two years.

even jeff said he's hoping that the ohter office we have in connecticut opens up and he can move there to work..since it's actaully closer to where he lives.

i think i need to talk to him again tomorrow. i want to keep it a financial type thing, though i do have other reasons i want out of stamford. see i've come to the conclusion that my job is just that a job. it's not a career, but then i don't have any pressing career aspirations and so i'm can make a living at what i do...so why not stick with it and look for something better. i need to have no pressure to leave/change, but just keep an eye out for something better. in the mean time, i really do need to keep an eye on what i'm doing here and do the best that i can with where i am.

so that's my career status.

today i almost got up and smacked sales-jeff in the head. instead he just got a pretty shitty type look from me. it happened over lunch. at about 12:15, my lunch is 12 to 1, i was sitting at my desk still using my 'free time' to finish up a thing or two before foraging for food. a call comes in from one of my customers. sales-jeff is the only rep on at lunch. it's him and bob, who is like a sales support kinda buy. bob answers the call, as that's what he does and says i'm at lunch, to which i give bob a thumbs up, and then asks if they'd like my voicemail or someone else...this is exactly what bob is paid to do. the customer opts for another rep. now sales-jeff is away from his desk getting some literature piled up to mail out to one of his customers. bob puts the customer on hold and calls for sales-jeff, who says just a second. this is all fine a good. sales-jeff gets everything all stacked and walks back toward his desk and bob get's ready to transfer the call. sales-jeff walks _past_ his desk and to the literature rack to find some other piece of shit to add to his little pile. bob says hey, i got a customer on hold and sales-jeff replies ya just a minute.

i felt a pretty hot flash of anger and looked up at jeff. bob says, in a sarcastic voice that only he can do, ya fuck keith's customer you got catalogs to find. sales-jeff realizes i'm still in the office and looks at me. i stare at sales-jeff debating if i should just get up and smack him or bitch him out. sales-jeff understands the situation and walks over to his phone and takes the call. this isn't the first time i've stayed late into lunch and seen such behavior from him. though last time it was one of tom's customers and after the call was over sales-jeff said something like 'relax it was one of tom's customers'.

i reacted poorly to that comment. he's point was that time it wasn't one of my customers so i shouldn't be upset. my point is it's a fucking customer who pays your...my..anyone's at the companies salary and his goddamn job is to take the fucking call.

i get angry sometimes. the really good part is at 1:45, while sales-jeff is at lunch, i took a call from one of his customers about some material that was missing. i start the whole process of checking the shippment and all that. sales-jeff comes in from lunch and i tell him what's going on and what i did, basically making it so that all he had to do was call his customer back and say he was aware of what was going on and that he was waiting for some callbacks...

i rather liked it when he said thanks to me for that. see, he was a lunch..so i did what i should to help his customer. i would have bet money that sales-jeff just would have left a post-it note saying to check on such-n-such an order.

i don't like sales-jeff. it's a shame he's good at bullshiting with customers. if only he could just get a decent grasp on the concepts of worth-ethic/unselfishness/business sense he'd be the best person in the office.

i think i'm going to test drive a saturn l300 tommorrow. they have a wicked lease program. i did the jetta turbo yesterday. i liked the jetta. i don't need a turbo though. i dunno what it is with me. i want a cheap car that looks nice, but has a massive engine. i'm male. i just think 125/130 horsepower..that's shit. i want like 180/200 something. of course cars in that league cost more, which i don't want to pay. i don't need the horsepower and know this...yet i keep looking.....

this is getting a tad longish...typical me huh?

tomorrow is Vday. i've never liked Vday. i don't like the whole concept of it. how can someone be happy to get a gift...i mean how can it have real meaning when you are socially/culturally forced to give it? shouldn't a truly meaningful gift be from the heart...on a day or a time when it counts in that relationship...and not on some predetermined day that has no, by it's self, importantace in terms of an the individual relationship....

anyway...i'm just not big on holidays. perhaps i'd feel different if i had someone to share them with...perhaps i wouldn't be so cynical...