"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

just another sunday
February 3, 2002 - 12:50 pm

it's the 3rd and i've not mailed my rent check yet. i need to do that monday.

i'm not at all excited about the football game. i think i'll go watch just so i won't spend the entire weekend in my apartment. i wonder what my excuse to go out will be after this?

more and more i get the feeling that going crazy is the only sane thing to do. a crazy person's life can be a very simple thing. i want things simple. i tire of the complexities of my inner thinking.

they finally installed the firedoors, one on each side of the landing on each floor. it's been months since the fire escapes came down...so i feel all safe again. well, that's not right. see there are four floors and therefore eight fire doors. each and every door had been propped open since they were installed. i'm not sure why they were put in at all really.

i've somewhat foiled the birds who took to poopin on my car by backing into my spot. now instead of my hood and winshield being all nasty, it's the back window and roof. i like this better, not that i really like the situation at all.

i got called yesterday at like 6pm (yes saturday) about the interview i went to on tuesday. i'm supposed to go on a ride-a-long this thursday, but that involves me missing another day of work. i don't want to blow another vacation day..that just looks freakin' odd. so i guess i get to play ill on wed and take thursday off...or say i ate bad foor wed night and take thurs off. no matter what it looks like i'm playing sick on thurs and mope around a tad on friday.

i read in the paper yesterday that connecticut has some of the richest and poorest cities in the nation. i know, before moving here, that when i thought of connecticut i thought of rich, snobby families. you don't really the rich families though. for sure they are here, but they all love in nice rural places outside of the cities. nice estate type places that you kinda have to look to really find the nice ones. most people you see are middle or lower class...and the disparity is huge. all the land is priced for the rich, which just screws the lower/middle class all the more. if i was living in pittsburgh, where i grew up, i'd be paying a mortage on a house. here, i'm paying far, far, far to much in rent on a little 540sq one bedroom.

people say i make good cash, but i make less than the average salary for the city i live in. that pisses me off. i really do need out of stamford. i have no social life, so i don't blow money on bars and things...but still i can't save. i think i do need to have the conversation that i want out of here. i need to look at a map and pick where i want to go.

i dunno though. there are some reasons i'd like to stay here. of course, that just frustrates me more. if things were up to me, that'd be different...but they arn't and here we are.

my story on stories.com got a review and the person liked it, so i'm happy about that. i dunno if i'll be posting anymore though.

all in all...i guess it's just another sunday. they are all they same, all the days...identical from week to week.

there was an article on drudgereport.com that says scientists think humans have evolved as far as we can. that's a very, very depressing thought. if it's true, we need to hit the reset button, launch all the nukes and let things start fresh. 'cause we arn't all that evolved at all....