"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

boondoggle
2001-12-11 - 8:59 pm

"There are two ways of meeting difficulties: you alter the difficulties or you alter yourself meeting them."

Phyllis Bottome

i have no idea how phyllis is. i don't even think that is proper grammer, but it's how i got the quote...so go to talk to her if it isn't.

anyway, status unchnaged from yesterday.

oh, i'm out of frozen kitkats too.

hrm, wait i do know why i sent me that quote. alter the difficulties or alter yourself. she's right. there's always to choices to make. granted one isn't always as feasable, probable or acceptable as the other(s)...but it always exsists. to say there was no other option is a half-truth. what you mean to say is that you are of the opinion that when you chose, you chose the only acceptable option so far as you could then determine. values of 'right', 'wrong', 'good' and 'bad' get mixed in and we think about what we did or others think about it and label it as we see fit. in hindsight, you might have choosen differently. perhaps you would have sought to alter the situation or yourself differently in the hopes of a more acceptable (read that as pleasing) outcome. perhaps next time you will, that i'm told is what learning is. realizing your mistakes and then endeavoring not to exactly duplicate them.

i don't think i learn well. i don't think i have very good retention of some things. i think i like to forget my mistakes in the hopes that if i can't recall them i can convince myself they didn't happen. i think that falls under trying to alter yourself. if i forget, then i can't use the past experience to guide a present thought/action. i should be using that information and since i like to try and deny myself that...i'm altering what i would do if i was fully utilizing all the given information.

nothing beats given information. nothing beats reading that word problem in high school and being able to take the 'facts' given in the paragraph as the be all and end all to the problem. to bad life isn't like that. there really is no factual given information. only information we like to call facts, that we like to trust.

trust, now there is an interesting word. trust is defined as 'firm reliance on the integrity, ability or character of a person or thing.' as a verb it is defined as 'to have or place reliance; depend. to be confident in.' reliance appears in both definitions...so to understand trust we need to define reliance. reliance is 'the act of relying or the state of being reliant.' that's a shitty definition. it uses two forms of itself to define itself. that's not good. let's see what else we have. 'the faith, confidence or trust felt by one who relies; dependence.' that's no good either. if you go with this one in an effort to understand trust, you get into circular logic and it used itself again (unless i'm wrong and relies is not a form of reliance).

i'm really disappointed in this. sure we all know what the word implies, or is supposed to mean. we know what it means to trust, what it means to rely on someone. but if you have to explain it without using the word...it's hard to do. it's an abstract idea. you think about it and then you get the urge to say 'you know what i mean.'

it sucks that we have to use such an imperfect and imprecise thing as language to communicate. how many times have you said 'that's not what i meant' or 'that didn't come out right' or 'let me try to explain it this way' or 'you're taking this the wrong way' or 'in other words'...ect.

no wonder people as a group, as a global society don't get along. we have trouble saying things clearly to our family, our friends, to people we talk to everyday.

uhm, i have no idea where i was going when i started this. i'm not even sure where i ended up. i think i did have a point. ah well, just another rambling boondoggle (i love that word and it's only taken me over a year to use it here) entry.

like i said awhile ago, status unchanged. where's the f'ing love?

oh, imagine this last bit as some deep voiced slick talking announcer in your head, 'all definitions used in this and any other entries and/or pages of this diary can be found at www.dictionary.com.'