"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

clarity
2001-08-25 - 5:37 p.m.

in the past i have written entries on a pretty regular basis. entries mostly about my life, as a 'good' diary should be. i started writing these entries to give someone, a certain someone, insight into my life. she had told me things about her life, things i had no right to ask for and never dreamed she would choose to pass to me. she told them to me on her own, with no prompting to me. i felt the need, the desire, to do the same for her. to let her into my life, to see what i think and why i think it...or as best i could explain my thoughts. i am not good at such things in a 'live' conversation. i have no experience sharing such thoughts. doing so in this format, sitting alone in my room, was infinitly easier and it allowed her to read at her leisure.

we no longer speak.

it is in this regard that i say this place has failed and failed miserably. perhaps for a bit,in night of dispair, I decided I was done writing here. i am not, but the things i will be posting will be different. i'm sure there will be the odd entry about my day if something startling happens, but my life is boring. i got called 'insightful' once and 'scary' once for what i wrote. i am going back to those entries, or atleast that is the plan.

we all know how good i am at keeping my word.

as for you and i, and you know who you are...i think we both know where we stand. i think we both know that things won't change. even after all this time, after all that were said and shared. i couldn't make it happen and you wouldn't let it happen. so i say let it die and the life it never should have lived. for me, i told you i knew it was dead a long time ago. i am stubborn and kept at it though. for that, i am sorry. i should have walked away a long, long time ago...but i hate to be right about such things.

i don't think there's much else to say right now.