"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

rains
2001-08-17 - 5:43 p.m.

i made a coupla promises to myself about this weekend. let's all keep score and see how many i keep...

1) i'm going to apply to atleast three jobs, hopefully five.

2) i'm going to go to the gym atleast once.

3) i'm going to look up a headhunter type person/company and contact them.

i should do some cleaning. i should spend atleast one night out somewhere, but i didn't promise myself either of those. i think the three i did will be 'tough' enough.

i was wondering what i'd look like with a shaved last night. i keep coming back to that. i wish there was a way i could really tell before hand. perhaps i'll do it and just tell people i lost a bet, but then i'd need to think of who i bet with..what we bet on...why i picked who i did...and all that shite.

bmg is so fucking retarded. i joined like a three months ago and they double shipped my opening order. i so sent one back and wrote them an email. the next time they only sent one magazine, which is right. i sent nothing back, 'cause i'm lazy, and they shipped out no one, but two features of the month. so i kept one, cause i happened to like the band and shipped one back. i decided to order a coupla cds and so i filled out the card and mailed it in. i got one correct cd and one misshipped cd AND the feature of the month again...so i said fuck it, and i'm sending all three cds' back. i'm gonna make the fuckers go broke on return shipping. it's not that hard with computers to keep orders straight...

i like that new song i saw/heard on mtv. it's a cartoon one with big ass gorilla's that attack the band. i need to find out who sings that.

you know what, i just need a bigger place to live. i can't be content in a place this small. i spend so much freakin' time here and it's not a shoe box, but it's small. which means i've gone back around the circle again..and will start looking at condos/apartments again. which means...in about two months i'll decide to skip that and look into grad schools...

i want a machine that i can hook to my head so when i think stories, it translates my thoughts to words.

did you ever stop to think about how inane so much of our culture is? i mean really. humans are pretty absurdly self-absorbed creatures. if you have no idea what i'm talking about, just dismiss me as some sort of malcontented freak who clearly doesn't know anything about the kind of person you are. i don't really have a point and don't see the value in typing out any of the endless examples i could use to prove my point. either you're already on the bus with me, but don't even think of sitting there...that's _MY_ seat, or you're still at home looking in the mirror and smiling.

i had an idea this morning while i was in the shower. i decided i should buy one of those canvus things and some paint. then i realized that i can't draw. then i realized that i'd need to buy a drop cloth and something to clean the paint off my fingers, cloths, walls, floor and ceiling. painting takes alot of money, no wonder they starve. i think i'm going to work with ms paint.

sometimes i worry about me, but only when i think i start to feel happy or content...there's no surer sign that something is fucked up than that.

i'm only happy when it rains.