"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

psychobabble
2001-08-15 - 8:39 p.m.

it's sort of like i'm getting to the point where i'm ready to acknowledge what i've know all along. it's daunting though. i've made such a habit of carefully builing delusions of reality and living in them. i like the delusions. i want them to be true. sometimes i think that if i believe enough, that if i have enough faith...i can make them real. i think i'm almost to the point where i'm ready to say that's not true. that this is how things are and tough shit. i don't think i like that.

a long time ago i wrote, or think i did, about this daydream thing i have alot. it's dark, there really isn't any color. i'm building this wall, brick by brick. over and over i'm placing this brick or that one. the wall never seems to grow though, but i keep placing bricks...trying to make it bigger, higher..thicker..whatever. it's an oddly peaceful thing to me.

i'm very tempted to scrap this dairy and open a new one...one where no one knows it's me.

i think i might like that.