"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

...reality...
2001-02-11 - 21:42:52

I�m a little upset over the fact that I seem to have lost my most recent story. It was up around 30 pages, which is pretty much a novel for me, but vanished in my crash. I don�t feel much like writing anything now. I was looking forward to actually finishing something, but it seems there�s a conspiracy against me actually finishing anything over a few pages.

I found an add on Monster.com for a job I want. Now I need to write out a cover letter and send off my resume. I�m not sure how to word the letter since the job is in a different field than I have experience in, but it�s a field I want to get into. I�m trying to figure out to word the letter and position my experience and education in such a way that while I don�t have any direct experience in the field, I do have the background that I would prosper in the field. I do have one of those big �cover letter books� around here somewhere. I need to dig that out and read through it. There has to be an example or two in there I can pull from.

I�ve not been posting to much anymore. Writing here does give me a sense of passing on what I feel into the page, but this is really just a passing thing. How I think and feel doesn�t change and shortly I back to where I was before I wrote. It doesn�t really accomplish anything for me, at least not how I thought it was before. I�m sure what the motivation is for me to put down private thoughts and happenings on here. By nature I am private person. I don�t have the background or experience with sharing things. I didn�t grow up in that kind of environment. I enjoy being alone, but not as much as I am now. I am, in my current state, an unhappy person and I don�t see what I accomplish by whining about things on here. I know I�ve talked about �killin� this page before and it�s an idea I keep coming back to. The first time or two, I put it down as an impulsive idea. Perhaps it�s not. Perhaps it�s a good idea. Before I was miserable and alone. Now I�m miserable, but I�ve tried to reach out and failed. I�m no good at personal relationships. I don�t know what I try. I always say the wrong thing at the wrong time, but with the best of intentions. I think I�m better off with the fantasy world I make in my mind. I tired of reality.