"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

..slow death and undrestanding...
2001-01-18 - 23:39:39

I was walking out of work yesterday and I picked up a fax off the machine. It was an ad to join a health club for basically 30 bucks a month. Did I talk about this the other day? I forget...Anyway, 30 bucks is really cheap around here, so I joined. Now, I gotta start going. Any inspiration ideas?

My toes are cold.

There was a kinda amusing arguement at work today. One person was upset that Bush, a 'republican', was going to be sworn in on the 20th. It seems the whole reason he didn't like Bush was that Bush is republican. Of course, we have some pro-republicans in the office and a 'polictical discuession' began. The funny part was that when pressed, this guy couldn't explain the difference between a republican and a democrate. He didn't like republicans, but had no idea how to explain what one was. Personally, I can't explain the difference, but then again I don't walk around saying 'I hate Bush.' It just kinda tickles me that people hate one party or the other, yet if CNN didn't put up that little (D) or (R) they'd have no idea who to hate. The more I hear people in political discussions, the more I think some of the Founding Fathers had it right. There should be no parties, politions should state thier views/opinions on the issues and we should vote based on that. Having parties just lets us be lazy about politics and vote pro-whichever party and forget about the actaul person your voting for.

I'm still not sleeping well. I can't figure out what it is. My eyes kinda hurt if I look at things that are say...15 feet away and the room is bright. I wonder what that means. They feel kinda dry to, but not really. It's hard to explain how eyes feel. Well other than squishy, but long ago I was taught not to squeeze 'em any more than you have to.

Sometimes I wonder why I see things differently that 'everyone' else. Like the one entry where I said, basically, that it's silly and unattractive for a woman to get huge breasts. The more I think about, it's kinda insulting to me as a man too. Basically, what it's saying is all you need to 'snag' a man is huge breasts. That annoys me. Perhaps it's true for some men or even most men, I dunno. I'm not them and I've never tried to get man. Oh well, to each his or her own opinions. For myself, I'd never base dating someone on chest size. Breasts sag, change with pregnancy and breast feeding. It makes no sense to pick a 'partner' based on that. Unless you only want them for sex. If that's the case, she better be plannin on boob-job after boob-job to keep em nice. I guess I'm a freak amoung men. Now, don't get me wrong. I like sex alot. I like alotta different sexual things. Anyone who knows me privatly, which these days isnt to many, knows this. I think of myself as pleasantly devient and explorative.

Maybe all the time I spend alone has warped my mind. I don't seem to look at alot of things the same way as most poeple. My mind often makes 'odd' links and jumps between things. It's like everything I see and hear gets dumped into a mixer and churned together. I might hear someone something and a week later, out of the blue, as them about that. What did they mean? Where did they hear that? How did it work? People often are like 'eh?', then I remind them and they are like 'Uhh..oh yeah.' I make alot of 'off the cuff' statements, nonsensical things. I enjoy them. The link is there, but twisted and hard to see, but there nontheless. I know it irritates some people, they struggle to see the link or to figure out what the hell I'm talking about. I don't say them all the time, only when I'm comfortable with where I am or to break the tension.

Hrm, why am I writing all this? This diary is becoming more an attempt at self-understanding than anything else.

Interesting, well to me anyway.