"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

The loser brother, that's me.
May 20, 2010 - 9:08 pm

Oh my, do I have Alanis Morissette singing inside my head?

Though.. my thinking has nothing to do with relationships. My mind wanders to work and family. My mother called the other day to see if any of the products we offer might make sense for her. What she and dad have been doing, given current interest rates, just doesn't quite work anymore.

So, I got one of the guys from the office and we went through the process with her. We present four options, one of which is to keep doing the same thing. To me, at least two of the other options made 100% more sense than the current option. I really thought they'd go with one of them... after all, they know I'd get paid on it.. and isn't that what family does? Give help to each other?

I can offer products that fit the need and give them more than they are getting today...

She called me tonight to say they are going with what they have already done. No business for me.

What can I say? In the end, they need to be comfortable with what's being done. I just thought the options were pretty clear. That the benefit was there and they'd might be nervous about it, but they'd go with me.

While I know I'm reading too much into it.. it's like they are saying, "We know you're the loser brother.. and we just can't go with what you do. You're the loser brother, so if you like it, it can't be good for us. There's a hitch or a catch.. or something."

I am left to wonder if they talked to my brother and he poo-pooed the whole idea. I haven't talked to him in ages. Perhaps I should have called him when all this started to see what he thought.

That's a whole other issue. I can not think of the last time he sent me a random email. It's always me reaching out to him at some random point.

My gut reaction is simply withdraw from them (meaning my parents and brother) all the more. Why should I fly down to see them in July? Why should I even make any effort to contact my brother or do anything more than reply to an out reach of my parents?

I don't understand when I look at other families and I see this... this... uninhibited support that they give each other. I don't know what that is. That's simply not the world I grew up in or live in.

Perhaps over the years, I've simply done too many things one or more of them didn't like or something. Perhaps every family just has to have a "black sheep" and that me.

Should I roll with it? Should I embrace it? Should I stop even the meager attempts?

There was a time, not too long ago, when I was emailing my brother pretty regular. His replies were always short, but he was at work.. so I thought that was just that. It's not like we've ever just "talked" or "chatted". I'm thinking now.. he was just being polite and hoping if he didn't really say anything I'd drop the chat.

I guess he won. I forget who sent the last.. I think it was me and he didn't reply, but he was at work... overseas, so that's to be expected. Part of his job.

Still.. back to my original point, if my parents won't even help me, why do I even entertain the ludicrous notion that strangers would?