"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

Two and one
May 03, 2009 - 2:45 pm

From Castle (I do enjoy watching Fillion, though he was much better as Mal): "Deep people aren't afraid to die."

This strikes me as rather true - those who feel they have lived a "full" or "good" life tend not to be overly fearful or worrisome about the prospect of dying. Those who live... more shallow lives are the ones who seem most predisposed to fret about death.

What leaps to mind... is the whole swine flu thing. Total panic -- well, not total.. but complete overreaction driven by the media. I do think that, for totally groundless reasons, people today are more shallow than say 50 years ago. We are more wrapped up in material items... in status... in gadgets... in the pretending we aren't who we are.

From a conversation in which I was asked "Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?" I hate this sort of question. Just strikes me as meaningless... as something begging for a pre-thought out fluff answer trying to highlight whatever facet of yourself you'd like to highlight. And.. in softer terms, I said as much. The comment back was, "Or... it helps tell someone what matters to you, what you care about."

Fair enough. An honest answer would do that... And my honest answer is.. "I don't know." At first this troubled me... but it's really quite consistent with who I am. I've never had a true dream or calling... or long-term goal. I just.. don't. It seems most people have such ideas sketched out - what their dream job or place to live would be. I don't. Never have. I'll come up with short or mid-range plans/goals as needed... but there's no overarching scheme.

Mores the pity for me.

It's evident in the jobs I've taken.. places I've lived. There is no rhyme or reason.. just picking the horse who seemed to be going in a better direction than the one I was originally on.

I remember my father making a comment ages and ages about... about some people are just 'lost' and how he felt bad for them. I remember feeling very sad... though I was about 15 at the time. I knew then that was me. I'm one of the lost, aimless folks who stumble from thing to thing.

And... in semi-related fashion.. my goal for the next two weeks or so.. is to identify a group of some sort to join -- something to volunteer for... or whatever. A good way to meet more people... give me something to say that I do (I get tired of saying 'a nice lazy weekend!'), and.. broaden my horizons.