"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." -- unknown

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

A memory recalled..
February 25, 2007 - 6:47 pm

Just when it was.. escapes me -- how sad is that?

It was when I was living the second time in Edinboro.. must have been 2001.

My father was in the hospital.. the second time for heart attack related issue. His exact health history is a bit of a mystery to me. My family doesn't really share such info.. which is odd considering my mom's a nurse and my brother is a doctor. Perhaps I'm just not in the information loop.. being a layperson and all.

Anyway.. I drove down to be with my mom and see my dad. About a two hour drive. I thought a lot about what I would say.. and I had a nice, a really nice and short bit lined up.

We met.. we talked.. my mom left.. to give us time.

My words.. my words left me. I didn't know what to say. I think I talked about it then. I recall my father saying something about being betrayed by his body.. that this was 'unreal' or something to that effect.

I had all this that I wanted to say. I didn't say a word of it. I can recall the speech in my head now.. but I never said it.

I sat there for a minute or two.. he said his words. I said something back.. and silence lapsed.

I left. I caught my mom at the elevator. I recall see her have a look something like surprise that I'd followed her out so quickly.

Such.. such is life in a family that's never been close.. never shared anything.

It's too late.. far too late for me to say those words to him now. Would that it were something else.. but it's not.